by Tim Braun
Why am I doing this. Why am I doing this? Why AM I doing this….
No matter how I say it, it still doesn’t give me (or you presumably) any clue as to the purpose of my starting this blog. It may just be me popping up some thoughts every once in a while – with no one ever looking at it, reading it, analyzing it, re-tweeting it, snapchatting it (which my daughter told me to partake in recently) – whatever all the young whippersnappers do now.
So what’s the purpose? Every day in my head I get thoughts. A few evil thoughts at times. Some good thoughts at times. But mostly just hilarious thoughts. I should say however, that they may be (and mostly WILL be) funny to me and only me. I mean drop dead, roll on the floor, tickle your own ribs, slap your own knee funny. To me. Have I downplayed this enough yet? Have I asked myself too many questions in Story Zero? For you see, I truly am the funniest person in the whole world in my own brain.
So that’s A) Purpose. Check.
What about 2) The Title? Flying here in the middle of somewhere…
Although the title appeals to the inner pilot in me (haven’t flown a plane in over 20 years, but I still say “I’m a pilot” to get the chicks), that’s not why.
I’m dedicating the creation of this blog to a man called Bob (because that’s his name). I’ve cleverly disguised his name by spelling it backwards, but you get the drift. Bob was someone I worked with a while ago who provided me the impetus behind this project. He was a life-long Federal Government worker who sparked the term ‘Bobism’ of which the title of this blog is a prime representation. I’m not focusing on his propensity to fall asleep at his desk, or more importantly, AT HIS OWN MEETINGS. I mean this guy would fall asleep sitting, standing, I’m SURE on the toilet (although I’ve not personally witnessed that spectacle) and anywhere else you could think of. It’s like that first video clip of narcolepsy I saw on a news program where this dog was just frolicking around having a grand old time and PLOP (actual sound) he was asleep in the grass. I’m not focusing on his seemingly impossible 2-3 stacks of papers at least 3 feet high sitting on his desk waiting to crush the smaller Federal workers around him. I’m not even focusing on the fact that he was single-handedly one of the nicest people I’ve met.
I’m only focusing on his tendency to throw out statements in meetings that I’ve never heard uttered in meetings in my life. Hence the title of this blog. When asked his opinion on something (after first literally waking him up), he rambled for about a minute, looked up, and said “But I don’t know….I’m just flying here in the middle of somewhere.” I mean – that was classic Bob, wasn’t it?
Keep in mind that these were all stated during official meetings. Other utterances that Bob utteranced (and yes, my coworkers and I made a full list):
“I’ve got enough hope to float a raft.”
“By hook or by crook or by luck.”
“That’s the thing about getting old…you survive but you can’t remember what you survived.”
“We’re kind of like bees buzzing around a ….uh….I don’t know.”
“We’re getting wrapped around the axle.”
“I’m just as happy as a hog in slop.”
“We’re all sitting here with our toes and fingers crossed, if that’s anatomically possible.”
“The wheels of bureaucracy run at a pace that is set somewhere else.”
So you can see why I loved this guy. He’s like the King of Bobisms. He actually SAID everything that’s in all of our heads – all while being in a semi-catatonic state. So this blog is dedicated to Bob and his witty Bobisms. When I’m no longer doing this, I’d love us to all be “on the same sheet of music” (yep, another one of his favorites) and understand that sometimes what’s in our heads is so much funnier than what we are brave enough to say out loud. A couple of other dang funny people have also said that they will be contributing some stuff as well and they ARE funnier than me in my opinion…so stay tuned as hilarity WILL ensue.
So sit back and enjoy my inner head while I “fly around here in the middle of somewhere”. Oh – and don’t read this critically. Don’t tell me if I make a typo. Don’t correct my grammar. Or my grannper. Just read it and laugh at me in YOUR head. Because as Bob once said:
“Sometimes I don’t know what I’m talking about, but the right thing comes out of my mouth.”
You are now free to roam about my cranium.