I have never made it a secret to anyone unfortunate enough to know me that I hate some words. They are words that while used correctly, either force you to hold your mouth at wildly unnatural positions for a sustained amount of time, or cause unnecessary lip smackage or saliva poppage to occur. And lord knows we don’t want that.
Editor’s Note: Did you notice that I used three different words with un- in the previous paragraph? That’s pretty impressive. For a fun little game, remove the un- from those three words and read the paragraph again. That’s what this blog will do for you – enable you to create a parallel universe (that’s not an un- word by the way) by simply changing a few letters. You are entirely welcome.
OK, back to words I hate – there are dozens that I’ve come across in my time here. Which luckily didn’t end on the 21st as some people had stated. By the way, there was a radio station here in Washington that was having an End-Of-The-World party somewhere downtown on the 20th. The funny thing is – they were CHARGING for it! What exactly was the point of THAT? If I was going, I obviously wouldn’t mind paying simply because after the 21st the only currency I would care about are the little bits of meteor dust that remains from the cataclysmic (spelled correctly first time) configuration of space and earth. But why should the hosts charge for it? Money would be useless the next day. Oh well.
Back to words I hate. I’ll add to this list as I think of more I’m sure. You who know me well know that I will ALWAYS find something to annoy me, including my own annoyances, so stay tuned. In fact, I’m somewhat annoyed right this very second.
Here, in no particular order – are eight (8) of the words I hate.
1) PACKET. As in, ‘Get me all the information in the handy packet’. This is an example of both lip smackage and saliva poppage. These types of words are rare and should be held up as examples to Noah Webster (or Daniel, not sure which) of how NOT to create a language without spraying the person next to you.
2) ROLL. This may be my first hated word ever. I remember sitting in class at Mabel K. Holland Elementary School and thinking when my teacher said she had one of these for breakfast that I just wanted to smack her. This is an example of ‘awkward mouth positioning’. Interestingly enough, the word ‘ROLE’ is completely fine and does not bother me at all. Don’t judge.
3) DONGLE. Do I really have to explain why I hate this word?
4) DRAWER. The King of Awkward Mouth Positioning Land. There is just no viable explanation for creating a word such as this and then applying the word to an object that is used every single day of our lives. And we have to TEACH it to our kids??? What is wrong with people?
5) TASTY. Lip Smackage 101. Try to say it (I’m sure you all are) without making a noise with your lips. In a word – impossible to do. OK, in three words – impossible to do.
6) COHORT. This is a recently added word to my list and displays more of the wildly unnatural mouth positioning that I’m so not a fan of. And seriously – what does it even mean? There would have to be two horts in the world to have cohorts correct? So what’s a hort? Did he hear a Hoo?
7) MORSEL. This isn’t a really hated word by me, just a mildly disliked word. But if you EVER say ‘a tasty morsel’ then you just need to go back to your elementary school and find your 4th grade teacher (Mr. Nicodemus) and force him to unlearn you good.
8) ORANGE. While this isn’t one of the WORST examples of awkward mouth positioning, this word has special meaning to me. For this is the one word, no matter how many times I say it and how many times my wife and kids hear it – that they take the time to cast aspersions on how I have said it. I guess I say it phonetically like OYUHRINJ or something like that. Regardless, my pronunciation of it has caused non-stop hilarity and hi-jinks (both) in the house.
So those are my top 8. I’m sure you have your favorites/non-favorites as well so please leave them in the comments. Just please remember when you go home tonight to put the dongle that your cohort gave you in the drawer, so that we can enjoy a tasty morsel of roll afterwards while we’re reading the brochures from the packet.