The Trash Whisperer…and otherness.

Posted: March 21, 2013 in Tim Braun
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By Tim Braun

I said when I first started this blog that I would be dumping out random thoughts in my head.  So this is actually the first of my blogs that I’m just dashing out random thoughts that have come to me over the past few days.  None of them are interesting enough for a full blog.  Who am I kidding, none of them are even interesting enough for a paragraph.  But anyway – this is what goes through my head.  Enjoy.

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I got so sad the other night taking the trash out.  I went to get a new trash bag, pulled it out of the trash ran_boxbag box – and it was the last one.  So what was the first thing I threw into the new bag?  THE BOX THAT THE TRASH BAGS CAME IN!  It was a very traumatic experience – like the child outgrowing their parents and then consuming them.  Doesn’t some spider do that? Anyway, I felt really bad for the box because it put a lot of hard work into supporting the bags and then boom.  Gone.

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An actual overflowing trash can

Speaking of trash, does anyone else have a problem with trash after wheeling the cans out to the curb?  I, for one, cannot stand when there is trash sitting around after I’ve already taken the trash out and before the truck comes.  And it ALWAYS happens – there’s always a stray milk jug, cereal box or plastic salad container just sitting there mocking me.   “Haha loser, you didn’t get me this time….sure, you’ll get me next week but until then I OWN YOU!”.  That’s what the garbage says to me.  In my head.  I can guarantee you that I’ve taken many a 11:00pm trip out to the road where the garbage cans are sitting waiting just to avoid the trash-mockery.

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Corned beef.  What in the heck is that.  How do you ‘corn’ something?  Why don’t they have corned pork, corned chicken, corned fish, corned corn?  What’s so special about beef that you can corn it but not spend a lick of time corning anything else?  Frankly, I think my parents probably served it to me once or twice ran_corngrowing up but I would bet you a dirty shoe that I didn’t eat it.  I’m sure one of my loyal readers will come to my rescue with the reasoning behind it – because honestly I’m too lazy to just Google it to figure out what it is.  Did someone way back in ye olde Ireland take a look at a slab of beef and say <insert Irish brogue as appropriate>  “By me crackers Kilkenny!  What we need to do is cook that in some of dat dere CORN!”  Anyway, I see no point in a) making it or b) eating it.

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I came to work yesterday wearing khakis and a green shirt.  Just thought you’d like to know that.  But what made the outfit wholly unpalatable was the fact that despite the spiffy brown socks I put on, I grabbed the wrong pair of shoes out of the closet and I didn’t notice until I got to work that they were the black shoes rather than the brown ones.  I felt like an idiot all day.  Some of my friends at work who were aghast at the crime committed against all good sense tried to make me feel better – saying that there was black in my shirt so it was indeed acceptable.  But I was inconsolable.  End of story.  Really, that was the end.

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Thank you for letting me share my thoughts.  Hopefully this outpouring of randomness will touch a nerve and let you share your randomness with someone in your life.  They always really appreciate it.  Right April?

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Comments
  1. dcbraun says:

    To your first thought, and to complete the circle back to a previous post, you are to RECYCLE the Hefty box so that it can be reborn to support MORE trash bags in the future.

    Like

  2. April says:

    As I am reading this I am realizing that these random thoughts of yours are what we have talked about ALL WEEK! Do you suppose this randomness will continue forever? Can it be random and continuous?

    Like

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