The Most Powerful Word in the Universe

Posted: March 30, 2013 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Now how is THAT for an eye-grabbing, hand-clutching, knee-scrunching headline?  Scientists, scholars, and some school children from Dubuque, Iowa have pondered this question long and hard.  There is definitely a large sect (clutch? gaggle? smidge?) of people that state the most powerful word in the language is LOVE.  They’ll spout on and on about how the American Eskimos have 73 words for love and only one for whale blubber, or quote Celine Dion or Huey Lewis who both had hits with songs called ‘The Power of Love’.  And they’ll have a fair argument.

However – I have come across the TRUE most powerful word in the universe.  It will surprise you.  It will entertain you.  It constantly makes my family laugh their kabooties off when I try to pronounce it.  But for the reasons mentioned that will now be revealed – the most powerful word in the universe IS:

ORANGE

I’ll just let that sink in for a minute…

Let me begin by saying that I fully realize that this word made my list of most annoying words that I blogged recently.  However, that in no way demeans its importance to the very fabric of the universe – much like most people not believing in Bigfoot doesn’t demean the fact that he trounces around here unnoticed every single day.  On to the evidence (for the word orange, not Bigfoot):

NON-RHYMABILITY
To my knowledge, there is no other word in the English language that can’t be rhymed.  That sets orange apart right there.  I’m sure some know-it-all will comment that some other word can’t be rhymed either, but take this alconesong with all the other evidence presented below and you will have the same epiphany that I did. Poets loathe this word.  Haters gonna hate – who cares what poets think.

ALL DRIVERS FEAR ORANGE
Here’s Grandma Shouldntbedriving just tooling along in her 1987 Buick LeSabre and she spots orange.  Whether it be orange traffic cones, or orange vests on the road workers, or even orange shirts on the prisoners picking up your Burger King wrappers, SHE SLOWS DOWN!  Orange has saved more lives than any other color.  When’s the last time you stopped for a burgundy traffic cone?  Thank you.  Orange saves lives.

ALL HUNTERS SNEER AT THE ORANGE WHILE ANIMALS FEAR THE ORANGE
Here’s Uncle Shouldntbeshooting just tooling around in his 1978 Ford pickup when he spots a deer wandering peacefully alongside the road.  He quickly puts on his blaze orange hat, slips gently into his blaze orange VERY stylish vest and lowers the boom.  The aforementioned deer spots the silly person dressed up in the most conspicuous clothes possible and skedaddles before any harm can befall him/her/it.  And don’t go and tell me that animals can’t see colors.  You aren’t an animal (most of you), you don’t know.  Orange again saves lives – both from the silly hunters shooting each other and the animals seeing the silly hunters.

orangeSUCH A POWERFUL WORD WE’VE NAMED A FRUIT AFTER IT
When was the last time you ate a BLUE?  Or sucked the juice out of a RED?  Or slapped a GREEN just to see what would come out of it?  Never, never and never are your answers.  This color has a whole fruit dedicated to it.

ORANGE SMELLS ORANGE
It’s not only a powerful word from a visual standpoint, the olfactory nerves also get stimulated appropriately by the word.  And you know what?  You know how an orange smells?  LIKE THE COLOR ORANGE!  This is one of the few words that when read it, it gives you a smell in your brain.  Smell-a-vision.  That’s what we have here.

FIRE ANT REPELLANT
Few people know this – and fewer people probably even care – but do you know what the main ingredient in Fire Ant Repellant is?  For those of you who have read this far in the blog and STILL answered “butter” – wrongness comes at you from every orifice of my body.  IT’S ORANGE AND ORANGE PEEL.  And THAT my friend is the culminating reason that “orange” is the most powerful word in the universe.  Cuz who the heck wants fire ants?  I’ll answer that one (since you probably are still stuck on the butter comment) – NO ONE.

So let’s summarize the evidence:

–          Not a rhyme to be found

–          Keeps people safe on the roads of the world

–          Saves people’s lives and saves animal’s lives

–          Has an actual food product named after it

–          It smells exactly like it sounds

–          KEEPS FIRE ANTS AWAY

Ladies and gentlemen, the case has been presented and argued, the jury has been starched and folded, and I stand behind this verdict with nary a whisper of a doubt.

I give you…  ORANGE.

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Comments
  1. chris says:

    Big props for the Huey reference.

    Like

  2. Why has no one else LIKED this????????

    Like

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