Cherry Blossoms in happier times….

We are having a true National Crisis going on in the Nation’s Capital.  It’s not the budget battle, it’s not sequestration (or ANYTHING to do with horses for that matter), it’s not even the fact that Republicans couldn’t agree with Democrats (or vice versa) if the life of their first little lefty/righty child depended on it.

A big fat NO to all of these.  The true National Crisis is the DISTINCT AND TOTAL NON-BLOSSOMING OF THE CHERRY TREES!

I swear to you that I’m not a negative person.  I don’t look upon EVERYTHING with disdain and ridicule.  OK, maybe I do, but this one really tees the heck out of my taco.  There seems to be a local (if not national.  If not INTERNATIONAL) obsession on whether or not these trees are going to bloom at some point or the other.  This despite the fact that they’ve been blooming for a million years without assistance from enterprising Eyewitness News beat reporters sticking a camera right smack in the pistil or stamen of the un-budding buds.

Full disclosure – cherry trees aren’t even in my top 5 of trees:

5. Lion King’s Tree of Life @ Disney’s Animal Kingdom:  Pretty cool tree.  And the way trees should be – carved from stone or some “Magical Substance” and without a single falling leaf to muck up my yard.


4. Joshua Tree album – A great 1987 album by U2 that has a lot of fantastic songs.  None about trees I don’t believe, although I just listen to the music anyway and never know what the words really mean.


3. Wayne “Tree” Rollins – former NBA “Great” – or “Good” basketball star who was real tall.  Nicknamed ‘Tree’.  Pretty clever, NBA fans.


2. Treety of Versailles – ended World War 1 – probably could have been moved to #1 had we knocked the Russians down a peg or two….



1. Dollar Tree – I mean, how could it not be in any list of the Top Trees?  Every single thing is a friggin’ dollar!  No matter what the thing may be.  They could have a full size dishwasher drainer in there and it would still be a dollar.  Perhaps could have moved this back to #2 if Tree Rollins had played longer.  Or better.


So for me, cherry trees are way down the list.  But here in the Washington area?  People are nuts about them.  I first decided to write (i.e. whine) about this when I heard them say on the news this morning that ‘people travel from around the world to see these trees – and they’re leaving disappointed when they haven’t bloomed yet’.  I was floored.  And stunned.  Floored and stunned.  First, that people would come all this way to see a tree that they could Google at any time in their lives and avoid the crazy touristy traffic that they themselves cause.  Secondly, that they would be disappointed if they didn’t see them.  Again – Welcome to Google.  Hello?

Apparently because of the recent cold here in Washington, D.C., there is some serious foliage hi-jinks going on with the cherry blossoms.  Reporters are down on the Tidal Basin, which isn’t really a basin, and certainly isn’t tidal.  But they are there on a daily basis reporting on the non-blossoming of the trees.  And reporting it like anyone should care.   Oh the humanity of a non-blooming tree!  There are close-ups of the buds.  There are close-ups of a thermometer close to the buds.  There are interviews with the aforementioned tourists looking at the thermometer close to the buds.  All of this because Nature isn’t conforming to someone’s best forecast.

There is a Cherry Blossom (I put it in capital letters to signify its feigned importance) web cam.  I say again, there is a Cherry Blossom web cam.  You can go on this web cam and see what?  The Cherry Blossoms.  It’s not real exciting to watch.  But it’s better than having to truck the family all the way downtown to see them in person.  You’d think that all of these tourists from Upper Volta would know about this web cam and just gather around a nice computer in their bungalow and just, well, watch… for hours on end.

There are several websites with forecasted Cherry Blossom Opening Dates.  All by the same predictors that can’t predict what the weather is going to be like tomorrow with any remote type of accuracy are now predicting the buds opening with the same complete lack of accuracy.

Honestly, I’m just exhausted from the whole thing.  To summarize:

1)      The things will bloom when they want to bloom.  Settle down.

2)      There is a webcam to see them bloom.  Don’t come to Washington to see them.

3)      Don’t ever watch the local news.  Live in a bubble.  We’re all happier like that.

Thank you.

  1. writerinsoul says:

    Never understood how they ever got people to get all worked up about these trees in the first place. Now THAT’s a marketing machine.


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