The Fine Art of Fine Art Skullduggery

Posted: May 19, 2013 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Who doesn’t love a great painting?  Makes you feel a certain feeling, makes you sense a certain sense, or makes you wonder a certain wonderment.  All of those things can wrap up into a visceral experience like no other.  You can go sit at a Fine Arts museum and just stare all day longingly at a French country road and feel like you’re there – or wonder what the artist was thinking when HE was there.

These are some examples of fine art.  First, the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo:

michelangeloI mean seriously – that is just ridiculously incredible.  Talent, planning and the ability to not get dizzy when painting upside-down combine to form a rainbow of amazing images.

Next, another fine artist – Monet:


Again, amazing stuff.  it puts you into the scene and makes you feel like you’re there.  Or even more importantly, makes you WANT to be there.

Those are two examples of fine art and I truly do appreciate their value.

The next examples of artwork are what you have been TOLD is “fine” but is in reality – stupid.  What makes it all the more stupid is that there was an auction last week at Sotheby’s where one of these paintings sold for 44 MILLION DOLLARS!  Yes, you read that correctly with double-I’s and double-L’s – MILLIONS!!!!  Let’s play a little game.  I’ve created three of these pieces of “artwork” on my iPad in a total of about 17 minutes.  So three of these are mine – one of them is the one that sold for 44 MILLION DOLLARS!!!  Guess which painting is the ridiculously overpriced one:

artwork2    artwork1    artwork3     artwork4

Did you guess which one was the ‘golden’ painting?  If you guessed number 2 – you’d be wrong.  It’s number 3.  It’s called ‘The Zip’ by Barnett Newman.  From Sotheby’s catalog, here’s the description (note, this is the actual description – I don’t even have to make this one up):

Newman overwhelms and seduces the viewer with the totality of its sensual, cascading washes of vibrant blue coexisting with Newman’s vertical “Sign” of the human presence, his iconic and revolutionary “zip.”

I could write crap like that about any of mine – would they sell for 44 MILLION DOLLARS?  I don’t think so – let’s take ‘The Eruption” – by Tim Braun (#2)

Braun cascades his glorious colors through the steep mountain of boldness – erupting contrasting spouts of tone and timber through the brilliant white space of the background.  His use of simple brush strokes combined with filled polyglots of combinability take the viewer to new heights of awareness.

You can have mine for best offer.  And all proceeds will go to the charity of your choice.

Just to give you an idea of Newman’s other incredible artwork, here are a few more examples:

newman3   newman2  newman1

I don’t know what they sold for, but it was WAAAAY too much money.  I’m shocked that anyone would pay that much for this, but I’m also shocked (and saddened) that they wouldn’t think to give that 44 MILLION DOLLARS to someone or some group that could really use it.  That is what is wrong with this world today.  Give the money to a charity and then let ME come over and iPad you up a painting in about 17 minutes.

I just don’t understand people.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I correctly guessed the third one, but I like the first one. I wouldn’t pay $44 million, though. It would appear that you and your iPad are every bit as talented as the gajillionaire.


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