I love the game of golf.  I love playing it, I love playing it WELL (when that happens) and yes, I even love watching it on TV.  I may be one of the 16 people in the United States that like to watch it – but that’s OK.  I’ve been on an island before and lord knows I’ll be on an island in the future.  But I’ve recently had a golf experience that I found disturbing.  While not turning me against the game, it definitely turned me against a product we have been forced to buy.

Speaking of golf, when watching golf on TV and someone hits a great shot – the announcers will invariably say “That was a great golf shot”.  Why?  Why do they insist on throwing the word golf in there?  Is it to distinguish that shot from the hundreds of rifle shots going on at the same course at the same time?  The only other sport I’ve heard that happen to is football – when the announcer will say “That was a great football play.”  Even worse is when the golf announcer will say “This is a great golf hole.”  Just annoying.manpris

Another irritating thing about golf is the way some people dress.  First – white long pants on guys at the local course.  Just stop it.  Then I was playing the otcastroher day at a local course and spied someone wearing manpris.  I don’t know what they’re called really, but they’re literally capri-style pants for men.  He was wearing them.  Out and about where people could see him.  As if he didn’t have a care.  Plus he had donned the traditional Fidel Castro-style cap to top off the outfit for some reason.  Quite the look.  <sarcasm> At least he didn’t look stupid at all </sarcasm>.  He was just trying WAAAAY too hard.

But anyway, I’ve played three 9-hole rounds in the past week.  Let’s analyze the scores and see if we can a trend:

Sunday – 41
Wednesday – 53
Thursday – 44

Even the non-math majors among us can see a valley there, correct?  I’ve reviewed every stroke I hit the three days, examined weather patterns, wind currents, playing partners, liquid intake, grass level, time of day and you know what I’ve determined?  There is only one difference that happened Wednesday that caused me to play golf like a kangaroo:

titanium

That’s right – on Wednesday I was wearing a Titanium sports necklace (go ahead – make a comment about trying too stupid hard).  I bought it at some dollar store somewhere with the packaging stating it is “intended to promote pain relief and enhance performance through improved circulation and stress reduction.”  I kid you not – watch a baseball game and a LOT of players wear them.  So I put one on for the first time and my improved circulation and stress reduction circulated and reduced me so much that I played the worst golf I have played in years.  Plus it made my neck hotter than two hamsters farting in a wool sock.

So let the buyer beware.  And just stop trying so hard….TIM.  Just have a great golf time while you’re watching the Golf Channel and seeing guys hit some great golf shots.

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Comments
  1. Kerry says:

    I know this means nothing to you…. manpris are very popular in Europe, so maybe they were visiting? I think you should step out of your box and wear some to your next game of golf, they may help you more than your necklace.

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  2. I will not be purchasing one of those necklaces. You should demand your money back from those charlatans!!! One whole dollar!!!

    I rarely watch golf for more than 10 minutes at a time (unless Padraig Harrington is playing, because he’s dreamy), but you’re right about the “golf shot” and “golf hole”. As opposed to a hockey shot or a gopher hole? I’m a crappy miniature golfer so I assume I’d be an equally crappy golfer. But I think I’d do well at smashing my clubs into the ground when I bogeyed. There’s not enough appreciation for that sort of skill.

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  3. Brad says:

    1) Hey hey hey, that last comment appears to be about me…
    2) Padraig Harrington is dreamy!? Of all the golfers…

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  4. I think it’s funny what you said about watching golf. My dad loves to watch golf but only to fall asleep to. HAHA

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    • I’m afraid that I’ve insulted the entire titanium industry with this blog – based on your email address let me state that at no point did I truly think that the titanium necklace impacted my golf game. In fact, I’ll have to say that at no point did I ever expect the titanium necklace to do ANYTHING – and I wasn’t disappointed.

      Sleeping during golf on a Sunday afternoon is one of the great pleasures in life. Congrats to your Dad!

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