It will probably come as no great surprise to you faithful readers that I’m not a big fan of the hubbub surrounding all of this organic stuff. Not that I’m necessarily against organic things – I’m against the hubbub that people make about organic things. In fact, I’m against all types of hubbub be it justified or not. I don’t know what the opposite of hubbub is – but if there IS an opposite of hubbub, they have my picture as their chairman.
This all came rampaging back to me the other day when I was walking outside of one of our Federal Government offices – on a certain day each week/month they have a Farmer’s Market, where they invite or coerce a handful of vendors to come downtown and sell their wares. It’s a great idea and I love supporting the American farmer. But I had an incident there last year that still rings in my brain loud and clear causing all of the organic flashbacks to hit again.
My organic pain? Banana bread.
So last year I’m walking out of this aforementioned Federal office and they were having this aforementioned Farmer’s Market. I had just sat in a long meeting and was exhausted – so I thought a nice chat with an organic farmer would set my mind at ease with the world and restore my faith in humanity. They’re organic, right? That implies they won’t talk long? I go up to this guy selling various types of banana breads – I mean, who doesn’t like that? Bananas – good. Bread – good. Two for two. Anyway, he asks me how my day was and I said one sentence about how long some meetings can be. He agreed quickly with me and then proceeded to go on and on about how HE handled meetings when he worked in the Army. I mean seriously – 10 minutes worth. During this time he packed up the bread of banana that I had chosen and handed it to me. At the end of his Emancipation Proclamation, he mumbled “dfsfj dsjfa”. Note at this point I probably sub-consciously heard what he said, but my organic ears couldn’t believe it. I said “Excuse me?” – and he said loud and clear – “That will be $9”. What was I to do? I had to support the American banana farmer, right? I had to stand up for all the soft-bedded trees that gave their life for this little piece of organic heaven. But $9 for a loaf of stupid banana bread???? Regardless, I just paid the man and walked off with my arms and legs shaking and rattled. Much like my brain. He DID say as I walked away that he guaranteed that it would be the best banana bread I ever ate.
So that night I cut a small slice of bread – about $1.25 worth I would presume – and with all buzz and aplomb I took one bite of this heavenly morsel. You know what? It sucked. That organic banana bread tasted like the tree it grew on had been raised in organic cow crap. $9 wasted.
Which leads me right back to the organic hubbub in question. Why do some people go on and on about their food having to be organic? You know what? IT DOESN”T TASTE AS GOOD! There. That may be a newsflash to the world right there, but don’t feed my cows only grass any longer. Feed them what they want. Wouldn’t that make them happier? To illustrate my point about the general hubbub – take a look at this sign from Chipotle:
Several phrases jump out at me on this – but ‘raised without antibiotics’???? So if you’re Charlie Chicken and you catch a cold they just let you suffer? And that’s supposed to be more humane for them? How about ‘raised….in deeply bedded pens’. Do I really want to know where my bacon slept? Do I HAVE to know that? Don’t think for a second that there’s not a small, obviously very vocal group of people that ONLY go to Chipotle because of their antibiotic-free policies – but just slap the sour cream on my burrito and let me eat already.
Here’s another sign I came across in my worldly travels:
What in the hell does that mean? Are you telling me that my organic bagel may have actually also cut a non-organic bagel??? Isn’t this what got this country into trouble in the ‘60s? Do we need another Martin Luther King, Jr. type of movement to stop the insanity and let bagels all live together in peace and harmony? I, for one, believe that one day ALL bagels will be treated equally – no matter if they were given antibiotics for a little sniffle or not.
I could go on and on, but I’m just upset that I spent $9 on a loaf of stupid bread. I haven’t even touched on the ‘Whole Foods’ supermarket craze where they seriously have the worst tasting cereal in the history of cereal. That may have to be entirely another article.