I’m sitting in my car minding my own business. Actually I’m sitting and waiting for my son to finish soccer practice and I’m watching everyone else’s business, so there is no ‘minding my own business’ going on at ALL. This guy gets out of his car and immediately trajectorily deposits a nice big juicy wad of saliva (and God knows what else) on the ground. I don’t know why. Who taught him that this was OK? To me, it’s a disgusting habit that there is no need to share with the world.
So in one of the most shocking developments this side of Taylor Swift NOT writing a song about one of her jilted lovers, I’ve done an official survey to analyze the spitting habits of my friends. It was a very scientific survey done with real questions composed of real words and everything. Six random (i.e. not random at all) people were chosen for the blind survey and I’d like to report a fine 100% survey return rate. All three fine females and all three fine males responded with in-depth answers based on their knowledge of spitting, its history, and its place in our collective conscience.
Before we get to the results, I have to make one thing very clear. One of these respondents is known to me as having a very odd habit of spitting in the urinal as he/she steps up to it. You know who you are. I had never seen it until he/she did it and I HAD to know if this was a common occurrence among those ‘in the know’. So his (or her, don’t want to give away his/her identity) answer may be a little biased. Personally? It’s as weird as listening to Taylor Swift give an awkward, rambling speech for an award that she didn’t deserve. (Can you tell I watched the AMA’s last night?) On with the questions and some representative responses immediately following:
Question 1 – Do you routinely spit when you get out of the car? (Scientific Result – “Yucky“)
– No, no I do not.
– Um, no.
– Not necessarily when I get out of the car, but randomly yes.
– No never.
Question 2 – Please let me know the reason why or why not. (Scientific Result – “Blechy”)
– Don’t feel the need to spit.
– It’s gross and uncouth. (Editor’s Note – NICE work on breaking out the uncouth card)
– I don’t know, habit.
– Why would I?
– That’s disgusting and I’m not from a culture that condones spitting.
(Editor’s Note – I did even MORE research and determined that there ARE a few cultures that while they don’t necessarily condone spitting, they certainly feel that it’s accepted behavior. And I can honestly say that the respondent to this question is NOT one of those cultures. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
– I spit in urinals never. I spit in toilets just before I vomit. There is no habitual spitting into a plumbing receptacle.
– If I needed to spit I’d do it in the sink.
Question 4 – Why would you spit in a urinal? (Scientific Result– “Throws up in my mouth”)
– Sometimes just to bust a big pee bubble, but I don’t do it all the time (maybe 25%).
(Editor’s Note – I will never hang around with this person again)
– I have no personal experience with a urinal (Editor’s Note – This MAY be from a female)
– I guess I would phrase it as “to get the juices flowing”
– It’s not just gross if you go around doing it, it’s gross for the poor soul behind you. Unless of course, they also are gross spitters.
– I would spit in the sink because it would be closer to me than a urinal.
Question 5 – What is YOUR reasoning for why people spit? (Scientific Result – “I think I’M the normal one”)
– Over production of mucus/phlegm, and really bad public etiquette.
– They are gross and lack a conveniently located sink.
– They ain’t got no act right.
– Let’s go with excess saliva.
– I really don’t think I know too many “random” spitters. Urinal spitters and baseball players top the list and then it’s a long fall to #3, whoever that might be. Maybe others have more over active salivary glands?
– Because some humans are disgusting. I know of no other reason that could possible explain the phenomena of chronic spitting.
So as you can plainly see from the scientific results – spitting is disgusting and should be avoided at all costs. Excess saliva? Can’t they swallow? Did no one teach them THAT skill? Or do they just want to not get filled up for dinner?
A final quote from one of our respondents who brought up a VERY good point – and one that we should analyze in detail in a coming blog:
I will say I live in close proximity to a pro-spitter (all for spitting, but does not make money at it) who thinks it’s equally disgusting that I don’t spit.
That’s a fascinating quote and really explains how most people feel about their lives. They feel that if they are doing it, it is the correct behavior and all others should behave the same way. Sigh.
And I haven’t even touched tobacco chewers. Spit cups. And the like. Double-yucky.