The Souper Bowel

Posted: January 29, 2014 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

You know what’s wrong with America?  I mean what’s wrong BESIDES the racism, the poverty, the political system, politics in general and the lack of a good TV show on SyFy network other than Ghost Hunters?

I’m not even allowed to speak the ‘royal words’  – I can only say that I am forced to call it “The Big Gamsouperbowle.”

That’s what’s wrong.  Apparently I can’t even say what the Big Game represents or some smarmy lawyer-type kind of lawyer will come down upon my head like hail on a Nebraska chicken shed.  I’ve seen the Big Game represented this week by “The Souper Bowl” by some organizations where they serve soup to eat during the Big Game.  I’ve also seen the Big Game called “TheSuperBowl” by an ad – apparently the spaces being removed allow it to be typed, read and understood.  The NFL has also in the past threatened to sue churches for using their holiest of words in bulletins and newsletters.

So I’m here to take my stand.

The Super Bowl.  It’s a football game.  The Super Bowl is the Championship picgame.  For Football.  The Super Bowl is.  I’ll be watching (well, paying half-attention at least) to the Super Bowl when it’s on.  I may even invite people over to WATCH the Super Bowl.  OK, who am I kidding – I don’t want anyone else in my house to watch the Super Bowl.  Or ever.  But this coming Sunday is the Super Bowl.  People other than me will watch the Super Bowl.  And talk about the Super Bowl.  Even worry about the Super Bowl.

So that’s right, NFL head muppets – the Super Bowl may be on the TV at some point.  And I may watch the Super Bowl at times.  Have I mentioned the Super Bowl is being played this weekend?  It’s a big game.  You would do well to watch the Super Bowl this weekend because of its stature as a Big Game.

My pet peeve besides not being able to say ‘The Super Bowl’ is the fact that I will hear at least 13 people this weekend say that they don’t actually watch the Super Bowl for the football.  THEY WATCH IT FOR THE COMMERCIALS.

That’s right, I can guarantee you that a Baker’s Dozen of assorted people will say to me or within my earshot that they watch the stupid game not for the game itself, but for the 30 second pieces of crap that you pay extra money EVERY SINGLE OTHER DAY OF YOUR LIFE to be able to DVR and fast forward through.  It’s the ultimate deception that the advertisers have duped you 13 people into believing – that the commercials are works of art for which we must be thankful.  I can also guarantee you  I will unfortunately stumble across three (3) random news stories on Monday, February 3 which lets you know which of the commercials were considered the funniest, or cruelest or cleverest.

Another thing that bothers me is the roman numerals.  This is Super Bowl XVJSKEJFSLSKISIII or something like tatoothat.  How the heck are people supposed to know what that means?  Just say 27 or 38 or whatever it is.  There is a reason that the Roman Empire collapsed – because no one could figure out what year it was or what time they were supposed to march in the Crusades.

So you can take your commercials, roman numerals, and crazy lawsuits.  I’ve got a Finding Bigfoot that I’ve DVRd that I can watch, followed by a Ghost Hunters marathon.  Now THAT is what makes America great. I can only hope that my tiny little blog will be approached by someone upset that I’ve used anything untoward in here.  PLEASE!  That will give me enough material for at least 5 other blogs.

Enjoy the Big Game!

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Comments
  1. writerinsoul says:

    I know now who should replace Gene Weingarten when he retires (ah hell, let’s not wait for that). You’re killing me here!

    Like

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