I’ve even designed (i.e. stolen) a logo:
I mean how could you NOT just want to devour a project with the title of ‘Project Utopia’? Ladies and gentlemen, we need you to read this and share it. We need this blog to go viral (which is a term I despise) and reach all of the deaf ears in the upper reaches of this government. This is their one-stop shop (which is a term I despise) for economic salvation and can also fully support the farm-to-table (which is a term I despise) initiative and shift all of the paradigms (which is a term I despise) to the correct path. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the theory that will eliminate any economic hardship for centuries in the future.
It’s an easy theory to remember and embrace. It will come as a shock to many and a revelation to a few. But for those of you who will understand the deeply rooted basis for the plan, it will come as a brilliant stroke of genius that has yet to be matched by any of the great financial leaders of our time.
The simple theory is this:
Before you choke on your English Muffin with the wonderful little holes where all the butter slowly gathers, giving your mouth a gentle massage of buttery warmness when you bite into the crunchy morsel of beauty, think about it. No….REALLY think about it. Eliminating money, not the English Muffin.
If we eliminate money, or paying for things, or charging people for things – all of our problems go away. No longer do we wait in lines to go see a movie, we just go see a movie. Car washes? Free – just drive in and get it done. Need a new house? Just find one that’s unoccupied and move on in! The water’s fine! There would be no more hunger, no more ramblings about health care, no more robberies or drug crimes, no more stupid laws about speed traps (yes, I recently got a $75 ticket for going 10 mph above the speed limit. God forbid I ‘speed’ through a national battlefield at 36 MPH!!! The HORRORS!) There would be no more homeless people because they would always find a home somewhere.
It’s. The. Perfect. Plan.
There would have to be a transition plan that would take a couple of generations to enact. I’m certainly not an optimist (as you would know if you read any of my other blogs) that this could be done immediately. There would be an initial tidal wave of looting, civilized duals for who could live in the biggest house, rampant drug use, but all of that would gradually fade over time as people realized that this really WASN’T a gimmick and it would continue. Instead of survival of the fittest, you’d have survival of the SMARTEST. And isn’t that what we are all about?
The next hurdle would be jobs. Why would people work if they don’t get paid for it? The answer is simple. Because people would get to do what they really wanted to do for once. Always wanted to be a McDonald’s manager? Go for it! Always wanted to be a proctologist? Get out that finger and do it! Always wanted to embalm people? Your clientele is just DYING for you to start that business up. Again, this would have to be a gradual change and people would have to realize that hey, I don’t have Big Macs anymore – I’d really like a Big Mac. And boom – you’d open the doors to your kitchen and start making Big Macs! And giving them away for free….
I want to stress again that this would have to be a gradual Utopia. While we could stop the whole money thing right away, it would definitely take a few years for people to come to their senses and realize what was going on. But I can be patient and wait. I’ll sit in my house that probably no one else really wants and drive my car that probably no one else really wants and wait patiently for the tidal wave of idiocy to pass by. And then, my friends, we have Utopia.
So join me in my crusade now. Let’s start it up by conducting a small experiment. Please send me HALF of your earnings right now and I will properly dispose of them. If it works for all, then you can go ahead and send me the other half as soon as you’re comfortable. Don’t mind me moving to the beach or anything, I’ll leave you a forwarding address.