The One That Burns My Butt

Posted: November 14, 2014 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , ,

Just a short note to let you know that once again I find myself on the hot seat. In my office building, meetings are stacked up like arriving flights at Chicago O’Hare. As soon as the conference room empties, another meeting breaks out all willy-nilly and it’s filled up again. It’s a constant cycle making conference rooms an extremely valuable (although pretty much pointless) commodity.danger

Today, as I was waiting in the hallway outside the conference room waiting for the minions to shuffle out on the hour, I had time to ponder the meaning of it all. Minions. Moving back and forth. Shuffling. That has nothing to do with the point of this story – I just thought you’d like to know I actually think at times.

So now it’s our turn for the conference room. I go in and carefully select the seat that I want (with a clear view outside so that when I’m not listening it looks like I’m gazing thoughtfully). What happens? I sit down into a pool of hot. Someone else with a VERY high body temperature has recently vacated the seating device. So I sit there, trying not to freak out and jump 30 feet in the air in front of my boss, while I just feel the warmth envelope my posterior, making it its own. I feel violated, nauseated and constipated all at the same time.

seatIt’s no different than when I go and drive my wife’s car. She invariably has turned on the seat warmer. To be fair, she DOES only turn it on when temperatures dip below 120 degrees. But I invariably don’t notice that the little switch is pressed, meaning that as I’m driving casually minding my own business, my posterior starts to stew itself into a vast puddle of posterior stew. Since it’s so gradual I don’t notice it until it’s too late. I step out of the car gracefully with a dripping pair of pants.

I don’t know why I hate hot seats so much – but hate them I do. Feel free to share your hot seat stories and we can be grossed out together.

  1. Autumn Sky says:

    Now that wasn’t very nice. I have bronchitis, and you just made me laugh so hard it caused a horrific coughing fit. LOLOLOL. *HackHackHack*


  2. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’m with you on both counts. Occupying someone’s pre-warmed seat disturbs me (which is not logical, I know), and I don’t like car seat warmers. They’re nice when you first get in, but after a few minutes I get all Rain Man and don’t want the heat on my tush.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jeff says:

    Nothing worse than a pre-warmed toilet seat ….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. writerinsoul says:

    It just feels too… *personal.* Like seeing somebody’s lipstick on a cup. We don’t want to encounter other people’s “messy leavings.”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I had never thought of meeting room entries/exits in terms of an airport analogy but I think you are exactly right. Similar to boarding a plane, everyone lines up with their beverages, laptops, notebooks, etc. – all trying not to crowd the doorway- so the exiting participants can squeeze past. The exiting meeting participants, of course, have that confused and dazed look like they are deplaning from a 4 hour cross country flight or something. It’s not pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. CD says:

    Another reason why teleworking is the way to go….. I want to know why seat warmers will let you dial down to warm only the posterior area and not the back, but not the other way around? I’m good with back warming on a chilly morning, but butt warming is never a good idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Cristina says:

    I am the same way! I cannot stand sitting in someone’s previously occupied seat and its still warm! I hate that feeling. I dont like my sheets warmed, car seats warmed, and the thought of a warm toilet seat is revolting. My family thinks Im crazy. The one thing I do like warmed is my heart after reading this and learning Im not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

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