Global Apocalypse: AVOIDED!

Posted: November 18, 2014 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I don’t mean to panic anyone, but yesterday was the day when it all could have come crashing down around us. It would have been slow, and you may not have even known it was occurring, but occurring it was and I am just thankful for the quick reaction of our public servants to prevent what may have been the beginning of the end.

Every global apocalypse I’ve ever been involved in has started with a small trigger. Yesterday’s trigger is shown here in this series of pictures:

truck1truck2truck3
In a local disaster the likes of which has never reared it’s disastrous head before, a truck carrying 42,000 pounds of sugar overturned on a local ramp to an interstate – spreading it’s sickeningly sweet product all over the road. Many news stations laughed this off, raising wise-crackery and tom-foolery to a new level. Not this visionary here, though – we were within about 2 hours of setting off a chain of events that would herald the end of the new world.

For you see, ladies and gentlemen, 2 hours after this unfortunate accident occurred, it started to rain.

Boom.

You see where I’m going with this, I’m sure. Sugar? Water? Mixing?

In case you don’t, let me explain. If the sugar had not been cleared up before the rain started, nature herself would have created a nectar which couldn’t have been avoided by…..

THE SWARMS OF HUMMINGBIRDS!

These little demons of hovered flight would have descended upon this sweet concoction faster than green grass through a goose. There would have been swarms of these creepy little insect-like things all up in our business the likes of which has never been seen. This would have then been noticed by, hungrily eyed by, and attacked by…..

SWARMS OF PRAYING MANTISeseses!

That’s right, praying manti eat hummingbirds. I’m not making that up. Search it on Google. Better yet – don’t. It’s not pretty. But they would have been swarming over those hummingbirds, making the manti as happy as a possum with a mouth full of sweet potatoes. So am I afraid of the praying manti?

No…..but here comes the

SWARMS OF BATS!

To eat the praying manti. They do that…. again proven by a simple search on Google. Those bats would weaselmake mincemeat of those manti and be happy doing it. So am I afraid of the bat swarms?

Nope….

It’s the HORDES OF WEASELS that will come out next and take care of the bats. Those weasels would come out madder than a mule with a mouthful of bumblebees and decimate, dedicate and eradicate the swarm of bats. Then we’d be stuck with a whole ton of weasels that we wouldn’t know what to do with. Weasel-city.

Nope.

For you see, creeping out of their little caves all over the region, happy as a tick on a fat coon hound, would come the badgers. Badgers, badgers, everywhere. Eating weasels, cooking weasels, just being general pains in the butts to weasels everywhere. Badgers would be our new scourge of society, taking over bus driver routes, pretending to be going to work and stopping at Burger King instead….they’re like that.

Until the cougars get the word that the badgers are loose and running rampant amongst the world. THEN we have a real problem. We have a bunch of cougars controlling the world, without the slightest indication of wanting to get along with man or be our best friend. Rampant is the word that I don’t feel can be used strongly enough. Everywhere. Cougar City. You know cougars – they think the sun comes up just to hear them roar.

You can take it from there I’m sure. Suddenly the whole world is out of synch with Mother Nature. The apocalypse was within 2 hours of happening and not a single person knew.

Except me. Because my mind works that way and I predicted it. Of course no one would have, did, or will, believe me. However, I know in my heart of hearts that the quick reaction of Engine Company #4 saved the world from a fate unimaginable. Thank you!

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Comments
  1. I am not sure I have ever heard “Swarm” used to reference Hummingbirds. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This story is a variation on on an old theme … 🙂 Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Alex says:

    the hordes of weasels thing is what really got me, dad

    Liked by 2 people

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