Weather Reporting 101

Posted: November 21, 2014 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , ,

Many of you will say that the best kinds of blogs that I write are the kind where I don’t have to write much. I’m sure you meant that in the most positive way possible, Mom. Regardless, this is one of those blogs where I don’t have to write much – I’ll just let the pictures do the work for me.

I’m a fan of weather. I’m not a fan of the reporting of weather. Lately it has become (much like the news) a sensationalistic look at what might be happening, instead of a simple reporting of the facts of the day. Every local station here in the Washington, DC area spends a TON of money on weather reporting designed to scare, intimidate and persuade us to feel one way or the other. I’m picking on NBC 4 – deemed ‘Storm Team 4’  no matter if there’s a storm within 1,000 miles or not – because that’s the channel that I usually watch. However, ALL of the local channels do something like this.  I’m picking on these stations because I hate being told what to do and how to feel. Just give me the facts.

So ‘Storm Team 4’ has a feature in the morning where they tell you what to wear. They roll out a bunch of options and then take away the ones you DON’T supposedly need to accompany you that day. Here’s an example of Day 1:

pic1

Fair enough….but wait, there’s NO chance of rain today….so let’s cleverly take away the umbrella with our graphics machine!

pic2

Boom – you are SET for the day. You apparently are REQUIRED to wear the above items. On to Day 2:

pic3

Wait….it appears to be the same as Day 1 – EXCEPT THEY’VE ADDED A HOOD! I’m surprised that this didn’t raise immediate furor amongst the weather paparazzi the previous day when there was no hood mentioned. Were we not even supposed to consider a hood on Day 1? Regardless, still no chance of rain today so:

pic4

Umbrella….gone. But let’s pause for a minute to look at the kid’s eyes behind our fearless weather reporter. Doesn’t he just look perfectly bored and embarrassed that he has become the poster child for not taking an umbrella? On to Day 3:

pic5

Same setup as Day 2. Same girl as Day 1. This girl must be making a fortune in royalties. And the weather today?

pic6

Same as Day 2….uh. Wait. WHY DON’T WE NEED GLOVES TODAY???? Is this some Communist conspiracy to freeze our hands? We can’t pull the trigger against the Red Horde if we’ve lost our fingers to frostbite, right?

While still reeling from the realization that I would have to put my gloves away today, up popped the following graphic:

pic7

Not what to wear, but what to do in the car with the temperature and what to now wear on my eyes.  Thank you STORM TEAM 4 for letting me know that when it’s sunny I’ll need sunglasses. That’s the true definition of hard-hitting journalism.  The Red Horde won’t be able to see my eyes when I’m looking for where my finger fell off due to the glovelessness of my hand.

You have now graduated to Weather Reporting 102.  Coming soon to this blog.

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Comments
  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    Pretty soon they’ll be telling you what color underwear you’ll need. Or, better still, whether you’ll need an extra pair or not…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Is this serious? Had you not included the pictures I would have thought it was a parody of some sort- poking fun at how people can not think for themselves at the most basic level. I teach college level anatomy and physiology and tell my students to at LEAST be able to function at the basic survival level. If you are cold, do something to get warm- i.e. turn on the car heat. I tell them this is simple stimulus-response behavior. I guess I was assuming too much.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh yeah. Completely serious. I only wish I could have captured the day last week when it was absolutely pouring rain where they told me to take an umbrella. Of course, that was after the traffic reporter told us to take a little extra time out there due to the roadspray (a word I swear they made up) and wet leaves.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Yet another embarrassing indication of the desperate lengths the “media” will go to in order to entertain. I get my weather forecasts from Weather Underground, piped directly to my phone, and usually accurate enough that I can figure out what to wear. Sometimes I catch it on the radio – I sometimes listen to one of our local news stations while driving – and I’ve always found it hilarious that the weather reporters’ titles are “Stormtracker”. Really? The weather here spans the extremes but is still SUCH a non-event – it’s hot, cold, calm, windy, dry or wet. Once in a while we might have a little bit of thunder, and winter usually brings a few inches of snow. The end.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. writerinsoul says:

    Wait’ll it’s not even in *words* but only in cartoon graphics of umbrellas, coats, etc. Or worse, a horrible little cartoon icon will demonstrate: *Sniffly the Snow Monster* says wear your thick socks today!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Linda says:

    Sure do miss Louie Allen. And he did weather doodles to boot!

    Like

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