Oh, The Places You’ll Pee!

Posted: December 2, 2014 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , ,

In order to build up my solidly shaky base of readership, I’ve decided to appeal to all ages and write in the style of some of my favorite authors. Hopefully this will demonstrate the versatility and flexibility of the words flying out of these fingertips.book_cover

Today we tackle one of the great American authors of our time – Theodore Seuss Geisel – more popularly known as Dr. Seuss. Without further ado, I present my blog to you in the word styling of Dr. Seuss. Feel free to share this with your children to start them on the wonderful path of enrichment that the good doctor has started all of us on.

Oh, The Places You’ll Pee!

When the purple Sniggerits of the land of Haloo
Have to take a magical moment to wee,
They always look for the most convenient place
Oh, The Places You’ll Pee!

When the urge comes upon the Sniggerits
While at the big WiggleBall game,
They must sidle up to the Big Sniggerits trough
Where all Sniggerits are judged the same.

troughOne long line of Sniggerits doing what Sniggerits do
Lined up like they were waiting for bread.
No privacy, no waiting, no ability to hide
Eyes up Sniggerits – don’t turn your head!

Now we see the Sniggerits at their daily job
Working for the government of Haloo
One must wee at offices as well
Oh, we’ve got that covered too!

Into the great abyss the Sniggerits walk
Simply wanting to take a break
Little do they know what dangers await
Nor are aware of the chances they take

For you see the offices of THIS government agencyOPM_Toilet
Have urinals that swallow you whole.
Wide mouths just beckoning unwary patrons
To fall into their watery bowl.

If our friendly Sniggerits survive the office weeing
And make it to the peaceful confines of home,
Where do they take care of business there?
Where do they go when they roam?

Luckily the good and magical lands of Haloo
Provide ample places for a Sniggerit to pee.
Their very favorite place on the list of places
Is of course behind the Dack-n-sack Tree.

treeLots of nooks and crannies make this flowing tree
a favorite among the tree-peeing peeps.
However, a picnic should never be enjoyed under the branches
Less the pee-tree indeed seeps.

So the next time you pass a purple Sniggerit
In the far off land of Haloo
Make sure you give him a friendly wave
As you now know what he has gone through.

Oh, The Places You’ll Pee!
as you start off on your journey so long.
Fraught with danger and fear and struggle
Be Brave and Loyal and Strong.

So get out there and make a name for yourself
This is your ‘Get Out of Jail Free’.
Keep your eyes and your zipper open
Oh, The Places You’ll Pee!

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    You’re onto something here. But I think 50% of the Sniggerit population will have difficulty leaving their stream behind the Dack-n-sack Tree.


  2. This sounded so much like Dr. Seuss! I do always wonder what people do at work when they’re not walking to the bathroom, maybe I should follow them… is that weird?



  3. I love the line “have urinals that swallow you whole” 🙂 Thanks for the smile and laugh today. I have not come across many who can wax so poetically about going to the loo as you.


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