I’m normally a morning person. I’d rather get up, get everything over with as fast as possible and then lay around slovenly the rest of the day. But this morning I had the crappiest 48 seconds of my life. In order:
1. Walked out the door carrying my computer bag in one hand and a large sweet tea in the other. Go all the way up the hill in the wet grass to where my truck is parked, fighting for grip with my slick dress shoes. Walk carefully on my homemade sidewalk that I built out of bricks so as not to trip. Got to the top of the hill. Truck not parked there. I had parked it in the actual driveway for once.
2. Turned around and walked back down the homemade sidewalk, tripping over the bricks that are sticking out that my wife told me I shouldn’t put there because someone could trip over them.
3. As I’m trying to recover from tripping over the bricks, I’m sliding on my slick shoes down the hill on the cold, dewy grass. I manage to catch myself before falling completely on my face…only to:
4. Slip gracefully (of course) into a big pile of dog crap. The kind that you can FEEL as a big lump on your shoe. I try to wipe it off as I’m walking on the wet grass and finally get to the driveway, where I leave skid marks 2 feet long of dog detritus.
5. Approach the truck, still trying to get the crap off my shoe, and slip on a bunch of acorns in the driveway and nearly fall down the OTHER hill. Catch my fall gracefully (of course) and manage to grab the car door handle to avoid further embarrassment.
6. Manage to unlock the car door while hanging on to it for dear life, and flop gracefully (of course) into the driver’s seat – knowing that the worst of the day has passed and I have survived.
Note – all was done gracefully (of course).