A (Literally) Crappy Morning

Posted: December 5, 2014 in Tim Braun
Tags: , ,

I’m normally a morning person. I’d rather get up, get everything over with as fast as possible and then lay around slovenly the rest of the day. But this morning I had the crappiest 48 seconds of my life. In order:

1. Walked out the door carrying my computer bag in one hand and a large sweet tea in the other. Go all the way up the hill in the wet grass to where my truck is parked, fighting for grip with my slick dress shoes. Walk carefully on my homemade sidewalk that I built out of bricks so as not to trip. Got to the top of the hill. Truck not parked there. I had parked it in the actual driveway for once.

2. Turned around and walked back down the homemade sidewalk, tripping over the bricks that are sticking out that my wife told me I shouldn’t put there because someone could trip over them.

3. As I’m trying to recover from tripping over the bricks, I’m sliding on my slick shoes down the hill on the cold, dewy grass. I manage to catch myself before falling completely on my face…only to:

4. Slip gracefully (of course) into a big pile of dog crap. The kind that you can FEEL as a big lump on your shoe. I try to wipe it off as I’m walking on the wet grass and finally get to the driveway, where I leave skid marks 2 feet long of dog detritus.

5. Approach the truck, still trying to get the crap off my shoe, and slip on a bunch of acorns in the driveway and nearly fall down the OTHER hill. Catch my fall gracefully (of course) and manage to grab the car door handle to avoid further embarrassment.

6. Manage to unlock the car door while hanging on to it for dear life, and flop gracefully (of course) into the driver’s seat – knowing that the worst of the day has passed and I have survived.

Note – all was done gracefully (of course).

  1. Anonymous says:

    I can see it now!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. writerinsoul says:

    When my day starts like that, I know it doesn’t bode well. You can almost see the cartoon of a black cloud following you around making taunting remarks.

    With you on the get-it-done-early-be-slovenly-later philosophy!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Carrie Rubin says:

    Hahaha! Sorry. I’m laughing at your expense. But it’s so funny. Probably because I can completely relate!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. So … in all this unintentional cavorting, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TEA???? Inquiring minds need to know.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love the Type A specificity here- it’s wasn’t just a bad morning or a bad few moments, it was “the crappiest 48 seconds of my life”. Sorry to take pleasure in your (gracefully, of course) falls but this had me laughing out loud. I actually laughed so loudly I momentarily covered the sound of shrieking children as their parents have decided there is really is no difference between a Starbucks and daycare.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Cristina says:

    this is just the type of morning that would have me turn around, call in, and crawl right back in bed, after I finished the tea, of course. Sorry this happened to you, but thanks for the laugh!


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