The Cruise: Part 2 – People Doth Make Me Joyous

Posted: February 3, 2015 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , ,

I am nothing if not a people person. If you don’t think I’m not an individual who doesn’t not want to not get to know anyone, then you, my friend, are completely mistaken.

A cruise is the most wonderful place to sit and watch people be themselves. It’s sometimes magical, it’s sometimes scary, but it’s never boring. My experience with the people on my recent cruise reinforced the belief (or threat) that I will NEVER run out of things to write about.

I won’t start with the ladies literally screaming at each other while waiting to board the ship on the very first day. No – my plethora of interactions really all started, like so many things actually do, with me making a complete idiot of myself. I know that this may come as a shock to you, but I tend to sometimes say things that make no sense at all. Even worse, there are times when I get things so confused in my head that I make those AROUND me uncomfortable. Case in point – we get on the ship for the first time, but there really isn’t any guidance as to what we are supposed to do or where we’re supposed to go. I rapidly take charge as the alpha male in the family and go up to a mid-20’s Capturefemale crewperson and state:

“So what are we supposed to do? Just go to your room?”

Obviously, I was asking if my family should just move on and go to our cabin right away – but in my pronoun-disabled way of talking it didn’t quite come out that way. Luckily she took it very well and didn’t make me walk the plank or anything (do they do that on cruise ships?) but it set an ominous tone for the rest of the cruise. I was the creepy guy. Everyone around me from that moment on knew it and steered a path well clear. This greatly limited any future horrible interactions that I would mouth-stumble into. Which is nothing but a good thing.

So I go to a movie alone (since my family would no longer have anything to do with me) and sit comfortably in the theatre on the ship with approximately 10 seats empty in every compass direction from me. Perfection. So what happens as soon as the lights go out? No… the previously-propositioned girl didn’t show up – although that would have made a FANTASTIC story. What actually happened is that an elderly couple carefully and deliberately looked at every one of the 4,236 empty seats in the theatre and decided that they needed to sit exactly one row directly in front of me. I, with an exasperated huff, moved 4 seats down and plopped into the seat with a cushioned thud. Only to be greeted by the unmistakable sound of an 83-year old grandmother opening her purse, picking out a 15-year old wrapped butterscotch hard candy, and unwrapping it for approximately 17 minutes. You don’t know how close I was to leaping over the seat, grabbing it out of her hand, and unwrapping it for her. Real close. Now you know how close I was.

However, most of the people on the ship were honestly great. No problems with anyone and it’s kind of refreshing to think that if there was a murder on board that we would all be able to gather in the theatre and noodle the whole thing out. It was complete independence! There WAS one lady, though, that rose above everyone else on the ship. I’ll name her Rose for both her ability to rise above all others as well as her shockingly red hilltop of hair. SHE WAS EVERYWHERE. From Day 1 to Day 7 she was at EVERY activity and forcing her way to the front of every group. In fact, although I didn’t take pictures of her everywhere, the ship put out a sample video of our cruise that you could buy – showing the same 5 minute clip of the video on the local TV channel – and she was on it approximately every 3 seconds. She HAD to be. Here, in order of appearances, is the woman I call Rose. Note that I DID NOT get pictures of her in every situation. Frankly I got bored with Rose about halfway through. Without further do-do:

Rose at the initial party on the cruise


Rose at the ‘Sexiest Man on the Cruise’ – where SHE WAS ONE OF THE THREE JUDGES

red1 red7 red6red5


By the way, that last picture is of Rose crowning the ‘Sexiest Man’. And sadly, that guy wore his ‘Sexiest Man’ T-shirt every day for the rest of the cruise. Proudly.

Anyway, back to Rose at the ‘World Belly Flop Championship’:


red2 And finally, Rose at the private island getting (surprise, surprise) dancing lessons from the locals:


I mean, she was literally at every single activity. I didn’t take pictures at Zumba, at the Captains’ dance, at the shuffleboard tournament or various other events but I guarantee you that she earned every single dollar’s worth of entertainment.

So here’s to you, Ms.-Participates-and-Leads-Every-Activity. I’m glad you enjoyed your cruise. And we enjoyed having you on our cruise.

And no, Rose, I do NOT want to go to your room.

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    I thought you were going to tell us you won the Sexiest Man contest and the Bellyflop contest. And that you ended up bonding with the elderly couple while sharing butterscotch candies…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Argh! Quadruple negative in first paragraph has my brain boggling! Just sayin’ … now going back to finish reading the post… 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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