Perusing the Book: A Primer for Medical Counting

Posted: July 16, 2015 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , ,

My wife was brutally sick the other day. Our best guess is food poisoning. This should come as no surprise since a couple of months ago I went to the cabinet to get a bottle of French Dressing to overcome the crappy taste of some lettuce. I was about to pour the entire bottle on the rabbit food when my ever-vigilant wife said, “Wait – why is it that color?” Her perception of salad dressing color appropriateness once again saved the day as we looked at the expiration date and it was neither hide nor hair near 2015. In fact, I would say it was the OPPOSITE of near 2015 – actually being 2009. Crisis averted.

Flash forward to lunchtime Tuesday. My wife opens up this can of tomato soup (note – this can is shown for the purposes of proving a point and may or may not represent the actual can of soup opened):

rustycanSure, it LOOKS like it would contain warm, soothing and creamy tomato nectar. But from my wife’s actions the rest of the day I can assure you that it most certainly did not.

Which brings me to my next point. After she got better, I had asked her how many times she had ‘perused the book’. By ‘perused the book’, of course I meant ‘thrown up’. I’m changing the terms here as I know small children read this blog and I want to ensure that they are keeping up with their grades and not being distracted by willy-nilly vomitous talk.

Her answer shockbooked me. She said wasn’t counting, but it was dozens. What? After prying away the pages of her description of the book reading, I finally determined that she wasn’t counting just the times she perused the book, but she counted the official number of times she perused the book by the number of WORDS she had perused in the book. What occurred next was a deep discussion of the proper counting technique of book reading – where she obviously was wrong, and I obviously was right.

So please ensure that the next time you or your spouse or your children are perusing the book, that you set the ground rules up front on the counting technique thereof. This will save you hours of meaningless discussion later on and will provide a more accurate historical archive in your family doctor journal.

Oh. And I’m really glad she’s feeling better.

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’m wondering what your metaphor would be for when it comes out the other end. Or maybe I shouldn’t ask…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have the distinct ability to cause me to look at something in a completely new way, and in a way, that I will never forget 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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