I feel like I haven’t shared my inner-most thoughts with you for nigh on 2 weeks. That’s way too long and my head and my heart are about to overflow with kerbobble and muhheadedness. So much has happened that needs to be spat out into the great vacuum of the ether waves that I don’t even know where to start honestly.
So I’ll start with the simple, yet somehow complex. Several years ago I would go to work every day living the American dream. Up at 7, in to work by 8:30am, dutifully sit there and do various ‘work-related’ work (sometimes) and come home at 5. But 2-3 times a week it would be pointed out to me while at the office that I had a small white dot on my shirt. It came off pretty easily, but it was almost invariably in the same place on a daily basis. It didn’t happen QUITE often enough for me to be concerned – after all if you’ve ever seen me eat you would know that I’m literally the Mount Vesuvius of spittle, but yet it somehow kept happening.
I’d like to tell you that it was great detective work on my part that determined what was causing this single white dot, but unfortunately it was just pure dumb luck that revealed the sinister truth of the matter. We’ll take the scenario step by step to reveal the horrid truth.
- At the time, we stored our toothbrushes in a cup on the bathroom sink, brush side always pointing up.
- Said toothbrushes would, after said brushing, be placed back in the cup wet.
- Unknown to the populace, toothpaste residue would leak down after being placed in the cup to the bottom of the cup, resulting in a veritable cesspool of detritus in the nether regions of said cup.
- Early morning, before the above work routine would occur, I would grab the toothpaste out of the cup by the now-dried brush.
- Deftly, I would place the CESSPOOL end of the toothbrush against my shirt and push my hand back in a graceful manner to allow the slideage from the brush to the handle to be accomplished in one fell swoop.
- I would go to work with a now toothpaste-filled white dot on my shirt. I would then be like…
Something. I have nothing that it goes to show you. But I feel better having gotten it off my chest.