Merry Crunchmas: A Holiday Unboxing

Posted: December 9, 2015 in Tim Braun
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Regular readers know that while I have been known to write a blog or two about political correctness, or workplace incidents, or even neighborhood activities – my main goal in this wonderful life that I have is to introduce the followers of this blog to new types of cereal that I’ve randomly come across. Sad as it may seem, it is truly the highlight of my day to enjoy the crunch of a new kernel of processed corn, or the mouth feel of a wheatified flake with sugar on it. Start a day with cereal – start a day with a smile. That’s my motto.

So you can imagine my delight the other day when I was strolling through the grocery store and came across the “Cereal Triumvirate”. Combining three of my favorite things – Christmas, Captain Crunch cereal, and FUN – they were quickly placed in a cozy place in my shopping basket right between the Strawberry Frosted Pop Tarts and the Winter Double-Stuff Oreos. I seriously couldn’t be MORE festive.

The next morning, I pull the box out of the cabinet. It greets me with a warm smile and a welcoming graphical potpourri of aforementioned fun. I always say, “If it’s a Limited Edition cereal, you are only limiting your imagination.” I do. I always say that.


Turning the box over gives you a WEALTH of interesting ideas that you can use to enhance your Christmas Crunch fun. Of course you probably don’t want to really put real food on your tree with “a festive garland” if you have dogs or cats or small mice in the house – but I value Mr. Crunch’s entertaining ideas and will certainly look to incorporate his brilliant designs in future house decorating.


Opening the box went smoothly and the bag suffered an acceptable amount of tearing while unsealing the nuggets of deliciousness. I’ll have to say that the aroma that wafted, and it did indeed waft, out of the unsealed bag reminded me of opening King Tut’s tomb for the first time in 2000 years – but once the green smoke cleared the appropriate Crunch smell that we all know and love made its traditional appearance. I appreciate the effort that the Crunchers (the people that make the cereal) put into creating the appropriate amount of yellow, green and off-red to appeal to the widest possible audience.


Now the important part. I pour the Christmas Crunch into my Christmas bowl that’s sitting on a Christmas place mat and as the sunshine glistens off the kernels of gold, I’m reminded again of the glory of the Christmas season. It was the opening of presents, the first snowfall of the season, and the joy of being with the family all rolled into a breakfast of sugar and spice and everything nice. Mostly sugar.


I skip merrily to the refrigerator to grab the milk, open the door and boom. This is what I find.


Will it be enough? Will I be able to properly massage enough milk into the bowl of Christmas merriment to make the whole effort worthwhile? My hands shake as I grab the last of the milk and head for the bowl. I nervously pour the final drips of the white nectar into the cereal abyss and am relieved to find that it’s the perfect amount:


With all of the stress and unboxing done, it’s time to actually put the Crunch to the crunch. How does it taste? In a word – exactly how you would expect Captain Crunch to taste. Well, that’s not a word. Here :


While the colored (all natural I’m sure) kernels do put off a little bit of chemical taste and have an aroma to them that really shouldn’t be in a cereal, there are enough golden kernels of the regular Captain Crunch to mellow the taste and smell and give you that perfect Crunch-feel in the mouth that you have all come to expect. The cereal stays appropriately crunchy throughout the eating experience (not to the perfection level of Honeycomb – the GOLD level of cereal crunchiness) and doesn’t stain the color of the milk.

The most important question however is “Did you feel like you were eating Christmas?” The answer to that is an unqualified yes. Thank you Mr. Crunch (I don’t recognize his true military ranking due to issues with his citizenship) for providing me that extra punch I needed to get into the holiday spirit.

I wish every one of you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever else you wish to celebrate. Just make sure that Christmas Crunch is a part of it.

  1. I really, really love your food blogs, but this one made my teeth hurt just reading it. 🙂 Although, I do have to applaud the collection of items in your shopping basket. In the world of sugary, processed foods, I can see you live by the motto “Go big or go home”.

    Liked by 2 people

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