This Food Tastes Pink!

Posted: January 19, 2016 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , ,

You know sometimes when you have what you consider to be pure gold pouring out of your fingertips? It’s a feeling like none other – you are pouring your heart and soul into a subject that you have thought about for years and sharing your brilliance with the others gathered virtually around you. It’s intimate, it’s personal and it’s enlightening.

The topic of this blog is just like that. I’ve long considered it, lived it and loved it – but have never shared it before today. It makes perfect sense to me and should make perfect sense to you. This whole sensory experience started when I was a wee tiny tot and shrimpcontinues to this very day.

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the Colours of Food. The ‘u’ inserted in the word makes it obviously way more sophisticated.

I have always lived this way and abided by the laws of food sensitivity. It came to a head a couple of weeks ago however, when an employee of mine asked me simply:

“Why don’t you like shrimp?”

My simple, elegant, and perfectly intelligible response:

“Because it tastes pink.”

Her look was one of nothing short of confusion.

“Well, that’s the color – but what about other fish?”

“Nope that tastes pink too…”

“But if it’s properly cooked it’s white.”

“No, I don’t care what COLOR it appears to be – I’m saying that it TASTES like the color pink. And I would never, ever, eat anything that tastes pink”.

The conversation then vaulted into such a rapid-fire hail of food stuffs that I practically had to duck to avoid being smacked in the forehead by all the various products being hurled at me. What color was lobster? What color was a steak? What color was a banana? All of the peppering, all of the deluging of food at my person had me quickly on the defensive.

To explain – growing up I developed a habit of lumping food into how it tasted by color. When I would put food in my mouth, I would immediately sense the color that it gave off in my mouth and associate it with that color for time immemorial. Crazy you food_colourssay? Not crazy at all I say. More like a convenient way to group like objects. I will tell you up front that in general brown foods rock, pink foods suck, and gray foods are complete garbage and need to never show up on my plate.

Sample Food Colours in order from best to worst:

Brown – Hamburgers, French Fries, Some Bread, Onion Rings, Potatoes, Chocolate, Coffee, Bacon

Purple – Grapes, Blueberry, Tomato

Blue – Lettuce, Celery, Sweet Apple, Ice Cream (all flavors), Milk, Honey, Brown Sugar

White – Banana, Bread, Cauliflower, Asparagus (uncooked), Provolone cheese, Noodles

Orange – Orange, Cheddar Cheese, Sour Apple

Pink – Salmon, Shrimp, Lobster, Crab, Asparagus (cooked), Fish

Grey – Brussel Sprouts, Oysters, Mushrooms

You’ll note the conspicuous absence of green and red, in particular. The reason for this is simple – there is nothing that tastes in my mind like green or red. Every single food falls into one of the above 7 categories.

Now, you can mix and match and make the overall taste slightly different, but I’m talking about just eating the ‘unadulterated food’. For example, you could take noodles (white) and add tomato sauce (purple) and have something else called spaghetti, but I don’t feel that I need to categorize spaghetti. It’s my head after all.

Likewise, you could possibly take one of the ‘forbidden’ foods from the grey category – such as, and I can barely type it, shroommushrooms – and throw a gob of salt and pepper on it and slap it on a pizza and it may be tolerable.

You can throw any food stuff at me and I can quickly slide it into a color. Remember however, that this is not how the food appears – rather it’s the color that the food tastes. So it doesn’t matter whether a steak is cooked rare, or well done, it’s still in the brown category.

I’ve shared this brainstorm of mine with several people over the last few weeks, and have met with so many cocked heads and puzzled expressions that I may as well be explaining the theory of relativity to them. Nevertheless, it’s my head, this is my blog and you are welcome to participate as much as you’d like.

Please feel free to ask any questions about my head – and my brain in particular. I’m not too proud to explain my food colours further.

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Comments
  1. Kallen in Florida says:

    Sounds like synesthesia. We feel what we feel, and I don’t think anyone’s brain is wired exactly like anyone else’s, but this is a new one for me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I KNEW I had something that could be called something by someone! Thank you for the diagnosis and I’m heading directly to WebMD to see what it is I have and how it makes me so much more productive and smarter than everyone else. You are a lifesaver. But not a pink one. I hate those.

      Liked by 2 people

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