The Holy Triumvirate of Wholly Crappy Driving

Posted: March 24, 2016 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , ,

What better time than the holiest week of the Christian faith to let you know of my ‘holy trinity’ of disdain for a specific type of automobile operator. Memorial Day? Nah. Labor Day? Nah. It’s Easter and as a result I give you the three qualities – while each of them horrible on their own – that make me automatically hate you as a driver. While I haven’t seen one driver exhibit ALL of these characteristics (yet) at the same time I’m sure that day will come and I will honor him/her appropriately with full pictures, make & model of car, and license plate. Until then, we’ll just have to imagine the horribleness of this person.

Atrocious “Skill” #1 – Smoking & Chucking

I was horrified many years ago when I was driving with my grandmother and she offered me a piece of gum. Thatcar3 wasn’t horrifying – that’s obviously what grandmothers do. I said yes, she unwrapped the stick of gum and handed it to me, opened the window a crack and conveniently deposited the wrapping paper out of the window. I think, though not sure, that was entitled ‘littering’ and even as an adorable youth I knew that was wrong.

Flash forward to this decade, and I am in continual awe of smokers that take their last drag of a good cigarette (oxymoron alert) and then throw it out the window. Why do they feel that this is acceptable? Yes – they are slowly killing themselves anyway with the cigarettes, but that is not OUR fault and we shouldn’t be made to suffer the consequence of them littering.

Don’t be like my grandma.

Appalling “Skill” #2 – Watching the Phone

car1In today’s day and age, I would think that drivers (much like Skill #1) realize what is right and wrong. It’s been pretty much drilled into every one of our heads that it’s unsafe to look at the phone while you’re driving, right? Am I the only one that saw that commercial or watched that TV show? Yet I continually see people reading emails while hurtling down the interstate at break neck speeds. You do know they justify themselves as being safe, right? THEY SLOW DOWN 15 MPH UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT WHILE LOOKING AT THE PHONE.

That’s correct – no matter what lane they are in they just go slower than the normal traffic flow. It’s inevitable that I see this once per day.

In the ‘full disclosure’ mode, my son recently yelled at me for not paying attention to the road because I was so busy giving a dirty look to one of these phone users that I about ran into the car in front of me. I blame no one else butcar2 the phone user for this near-calamity.

Abysmal “Skill” #3 – The Trump Factor

The other day I was in the Chick-Fil-A drive through eagerly awaiting the joyful service that I was about to have imparted upon my face. Imagine my complete and utter revulsion when I noticed that the older gentleman in the car ahead of me had a ‘Trump’ bumper sticker firmly affixed to his rear bumper. There was a violent and immediate reaction in my psyche that led me to have an irrational hatred towards this fine fellow. My mind raced – “What the heck is he thinking?” – “Who the heck does he think he is?” – “What part of a Mexican wall does he think is a good idea?” I barely had the ability to grab my chicken nuggets and say ‘thank you’ with a smile I was shaking so bad.

car4So the next time you see a Ford F150 truck with a smoker casually throwing his butt out the window while reading emails – and you look at his back bumper and see the ‘TRUMP’ sticker (more than likely right next to the NRA sticker) please think of me and steer clear. They are dangerous.

But take a picture first and send it to me.

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Comments
  1. Great posting! When I see smokers throwing their cigarettes out the car window, I can not help but think “Yep, all the world is your ashtray, isn’t it?”. When we were in NY recently, we constantly had to come to abrupt stops while WALKING because some walker in front of us would have to suddenly come to a complete stop to read a text. If we can’t handle our phones and walk at the same time, we certainly can’t handle them while driving.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am blind and from New York. I have had canes broken by sighted idiots texting or chatting and not watching where they are going, and they step right down on, or kick my cane, resulting in complete splitting or irreparable bending. The walking dead.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. writerinsoul says:

    Ha ha! Thanks for this. Love “What part of a Mexican wall does he think is a good idea?” and your son ragging on ya for dirty-look preoccupation.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Linda Estes says:

    After traveling through 8 states since Thursday, I’ve concluded that though people may be vocal in the candidate of their choice, no one is committed to a name on there bumper (except we have seen Obama-Biden, but those looked worn). have been behind textures and cigarette-butt throwers. Still on the lookout.

    Happy Easter! Blessings, Linda E >

    Liked by 1 person

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