Jelly Beans & Monkey Poop

Posted: September 29, 2016 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , ,

Not much to say this week but who needs it with the below picture. This image alone should be enough to scare every one of us straight from our years of drug abuse.

Every morning at work I trudge (yes, trudge) into the kitchen to get a cup of the worst tasting coffee this side of the Kopi Luwak coffee factory in Indonesia. Don’t know what that is? Kopi Luwak is a rare and gourmet coffee from Indonesia that is made from beans passed through the digestive system of monkeys. According to the official product description:

The Kopi Luwak Coffee aroma is strong and rich, with a full body flavor that is close to syrupy. It has a hint of chocolate that lingers on the tongue with a long, clean aftertaste.

I don’t even have to write a joke about the above. I was interested in trying this coffee, but it’s outrageously expensive. So I tried to make it at home using a cocoa plant, my cat and a litter box – but it really didn’t seem to have a long, clean aftertaste like the true Kopi Luwak. If anyone wants my recipe, just let me know and I’ll send it off to you.

Anyway, in the kitchen where I traditionally trudge there is a table which is the great gathering place for all things left over. Whether it’s 2.5 slices of day-old birthday cake from the wild celebration for Mabel’s 51st birthday, or leftover Lemon Mountain Dew (Diet) cans from the going-away party for Leonard as he sets sail for Tristan de Cunha, there is ALWAYS something to be perused and gobbled. So this morning when I walk in, I see this display and cheerful note:


I don’t know who this “Debbie” person is or if that’s even her real name, but for all the cake slices and leftovers left on the table, this one may have been the worst. While I appreciate her attempt to tell us what these obvious narcotics are masquerading as – I was much too smart for her. Everyone knows that this is how you get hooked on drugs, and I resent the crap out of “Debbie” for trying to force her addictions on unsuspecting workers.

Tangerine/Orange Jelly Belly? HA! Try Morphine Sulfate:


Lemon Jelly Belly? HA! Try Hydrocodone:


I furiously picked up the two bags of “Jelly Bellies” and hurled them against the kitchen wall – delighting in the smashing of a thousand little pills of death. I gleefully watched them roll on to the floor and couldn’t wait for “Debbie” to see the destruction I had wrought.

So go take your crazy pills “Debbie” and get them out of here. We don’t need any more of YOUR crazy – we’re all full up already.

You’re welcome.

  1. […] Jelly Beans & Monkey Poop September 29, 2016 […]


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