The Incident at the Mall: The Ultimate Quiz

Posted: December 8, 2016 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , ,

In the true spirit of giving during these troubled times, I have come to you much as a shining white knight on a dapple-gray horse. I am bringing to you today a quiz. Not one of those “If I were a type of apple, what type of apple would I be?” or “What character of Welcome Back Kotter am I most like?” kind of quizzes. Those are all well and good (Arkansas Black and Barbarino, if you really want to know) and can provide valuable information that you need to truly analyze your life.

No, what I’m talking about is a quiz that will provide valuable life lessons to not just you, but to your children and your children’s children as well. Please print this off and save it in your child’s memory scrapbook so that they, too, can learn from the experience. This will be ONE simple question (unlike said Apple quiz above) but the answer will prove to all those around you your ability to function in a normal, civilized society.

The scenario.  You’re at a mall sitting outside a store waiting for your wife and daughter to finish their shopping. You’re casually sitting in an area minding your own business. In the below graphic, the white shirted people are random strangers already sitting in place. The black shirted person is me. As I walk up to the area I look for a good place to sit.


As is obvious, I have pretty much acres of space to sit so I choose wisely:


As far from everyone as humanly possible, but with complete access to the main aisle in case of emergency. All good. Then along comes Mr. Blue Shirt.


Mr. Blue Shirt is a 60-something male looking for an easy space to sit. He seems nice enough…dress appropriate for the situation, nothing dripping out of open wounds… that type of thing. So here’s the quiz question.


I think it’s pretty obvious correct? You’re saying “Hey, this is a pretty easy quiz there, Mr. Arkansas Black lover…”

You’d be wrong – for Mr. Blue Shirt had a far different idea of where he should sit than a normal person would:


And actually, in reality this was the situation as it presented itself:


After exchanging numerous dirty glances to Mr. Blue Shirt who was now sitting ACROSS FROM AN EMPTY COUCH and was practically IN MY LAP, I got up and went inside to go shopping with my wife and daughter.

PLEASE, PLEASE share this with your children so you won’t be Mr. Blue Shirt in the future. Be the one who looks to not annoy others. Be that light in the sky. Be that star in the heavens.

Don’t be Mr. Blue Shirt.

  1. I can so relate to this. More so at the gym where there will be 10 open elliptical machines and someone will have to step on the one right next to me!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anonymous says:

    It is your warm and caring eyes. Everyone has the misconception that you give a darn. You should practice your RBF.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. writerinsoul says:

    I knew how this was going to go down my friend. If you are in an empty store browsing and someone else enters the store, you know what they will suddenly need to examine? Whatever YOU are currently looking at. In a locker room, what locker will a newcomer take independent of how many lockers are available? The one next to yours. Bus seats? Lecture halls? The list goes on. I can only blame some sort of primitive human herding instinct.

    Liked by 1 person

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