A Day In the Life….Disponibly So

Posted: January 5, 2017 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Things happen to me every day. Who am I kidding – things seemingly happen to everybody on a daily basis. That’s right, I’m sitting right here to tell you that things happen to every single person every single day. Just sit and ponder that for a while. There are literally things happening RIGHT THIS MINUTE and you may not even be aware.

Anyway, more specifically I mean that things happen to me every single day that I want to WRITE about but each incident seldom lends itself to a whole blog. So I decided yesterday morning that I would keep track of the highlights for one day and share them as a whole ‘Day in the Life’ to give you, the reader, a glimpse into my life. I’m opening myself up, scooping a bit of myself out, and serving it to you on a plate. Enjoy!

I want to address 5 incidents that happened to me yesterday. It all started innocently enough with the casual reaching for a brand, spanking new box of cereal.

INCIDENT #1

I grabbed the perky little unopened box of Frosted Mini-Wheats and set it down on the corner. I struggled to open the cardboard box for some reason, but I soldiered through and managed to get it open and ready for business. I then attempted Stage 2 of Cereal Opening which of course is opening the inner bag. However, I was met by basically a brick wall. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t open the stupid thing. Like any right-thinking American, I immediately grabbed the scissors and sliced a hole in the bag to let the goodness out.

Here is the result:

backwards

That’s right, I opened the box upside down. Sadly, this is the second time in two weeks that I have done this. You may ask yourself what the big deal is with opening a box upside down. Believe it or not they manufacture the bottom of the bag and the bottom of the box differently. They will NOT close back up properly and now I’m stuck with an open box and bag of Frosted Mini-Wheats. Worse yet – every time I go for a box of cereal I’m faced with my own stupidity.

INCIDENT #2

I recently sent an email to someone asking for their availability for a meeting. This morning, immediately after INCIDENT #1 mentioned above, I received the response:

“I’m disponible the Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday at 9:40-10am to 12pm.”

I don’t even know how to reply to that. I’ll tell you this though – some words (like ‘disponible’) obviously aren’t a word but look so much like they COULD or SHOULD be a word that you have to read them twice. I finally determined in my smooth-working brain machinery that it truly was NOT a word. Feel free to disagree.

INCIDENT #3

I was driving somewhere this afternoon and listening to one of our local radio stations. They were having a prize contest and you had to be the 10th caller to win. Actual conversation follows:

RADIO STATION: “Congratulations – you are the 10th caller!”
CALLER: “Oh thank you! I’ve never won anything in my life – I’m so excited!!!!”
RADIO STATION: “Let’s spin the prize wheel and see what you’ve won….”caulk

<dramatic pause>

RADIO STATION: “Maggie – you’ve won….. CAULK….and a CAULK GUN!”

<momentary silence>

CALLER: “Oh…..  Uh…..Good!  I can use that.”

No further comments are really necessary on this.

INCIDENT #4

After shaking off the excitement of the prize celebration above, I headed to a local driving range to hit some golf balls. The owner of this driving range gets me my bucket of balls and then proceeds to ask me if I hit my balls to the left, to the right, or down the center. Depending on my answer he gives me some tips and some experiences he has had with teaching professionals in the last 50 years of his life. All well and good.

Just one thing – he says the EXACT SAME THING every single time I go in there. Not just the ‘idea’ of it, but it’s like he’s reading a book to me word for word. Lately I’ve been experimenting with him and saying the same thing (“I just hit it fat at times….”) every single time I go in with the goal of memorizing his speech and saying it a split second before he does.

Imagine the fun!

INCIDENT #5

I’m a big fan of the self-serve cash registers at most stores. Basically, any time that I can eliminate actual human interaction works in my favor, and is frankly to the great benefit of all others around me as well. Anyway, today I was in line with a bag of potatoes. I don’t mind standing in line at self-serve places because normally everyone has just a few items.

Except for this time. Four self-serve registers – every single one of them had people with FULL baskets trying to check out. Basically if you’re not trained at a register, don’t try to find the Butternut Squash code in the nested menus, eh? I wound up going to the Express Lane and was out in 14 seconds.

So that’s my day. Any one of those incidents really didn’t impact me in any major way, but I still felt they were interesting enough to share with you. One day I’ll look back at this and say “Did I really admit my stupidity in opening a cereal box?” and be very ashamed.

Not today though.

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Comments
  1. I learned something today from your blog- that the bottom of a cereal box an not be reclosed like the top can be. I know this is very small, and obvious once you think about it, but I can not help but feeling a bit more aware having learned this.
    As for the people with FULL baskets trying to self-serve checkout, I would just say, “C’mon people! Know your limits!”. Most of us are incapable of bagging our own groceries with any clarity, let alone also scanning an entire cart and price-code checking the produce items.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. writerinsoul says:

    And here I was wondering if disponible is one of those new, fakey office words I’m not privy to like a combination of disposable and available.

    I think I was the schmuck in front of you in the self-service checkout. Yesterday I had like 6 vegetable & fruit codes. Then I over stuffed the flimsy bag at the register. It ripped and my mango & avocado went rolling across the floor… The machine was back-talking me too. I just wasn’t up to my usual checkout standard.

    An excellent post to start off the new year!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe the golf guy is actually an android.

    Also, I love the idea of this post. I might borrow it sometime… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. David says:

    Was in the first store today that I’ve seen that has taken out the self checkout lanes! Went to the express lane with 11 items but a 10 items or less sign, and two customers ahead the individual can’t get her chip credit card to work. Waiting…so I go to the next regular aisle with one customer finishing up and get done quicker than the express lane!

    Liked by 1 person

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