Ponding, the ER and Pumpkin Spice

Posted: February 1, 2017 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , ,

Last week I promised you a solution to your everyday ponding woes. While I can’t stop the ponding – for heaven’s sake who CAN stop the ponding – I can at least give you the best way to get your ponding injuries healed. Well, not the best way to get your ponding injuries healed, per se, more like the fastest way to get your ponding injuries looked at.

I’m actually a little out of breath from typing that last paragraph. It just went on and on for no apparent reason. Welcome to my blog!

So let’s say you’re walking along the sidewalk, minding your own business. It rained yesterday but today is shaping up to be a beautiful, sunny day. You’re looking at the trees, listening to the birds, and doing basically everything possible except looking at your feet. Suddenly, as you put your right foot forward to take your next step, you notice what I’ll call ‘black death’ – ponding. You’re obviously too late to stop your right foot from colliding with the inky blackness and soon your ankle crumbles on top of itself, twisting and turning in the watery grave of disaster.

You’ve twisted your ankle. Bad. You need to head immediately to the Emergency Room at the local hospital (hereinafter referred to as Hospital A) to get it looked at. So you drag yourself back to your feet and limp, wincing with every step, toward Hospital A. After 45 minutes of this terrible ordeal you get to the hospital and see this sign:

three

Hmmm. You’ve walked 45 minutes on a swollen, throbbing ankle. Do you wait the 13 minutes? No. Not you. The injury is MUCH more serious than that. You turn and walk towards Hospital B. Yes, it’s another 30 minute walk but you are proudly rewarded by the following sign when arriving at Hospital B:

capture

Score! You saved 8 minutes of injury time by being a smart hospital consumer and going to the correct hospital.

NOW I understand the recent influx of these annoying Emergency Room Wait Time signs that have popped up everywhere. If my wife is in labor and I’m pulling up to an ER I’m not going to muck about waiting 17 minutes at the ER. No – I’m going to drive 45 minutes across town with my wife screaming in pain to the ER with the 15 minutes wait. It all makes perfect sense.pringles

I consider this to be one of those fads, much like the ‘Pumpkin Spice’ fad, where one person did it and everybody glammed on and it just becomes a ridiculous nothing. Just look at Pumpkin Spice Pringles (yes – they are honestly a thing).

Now in the future you no longer have to worry about your random ponding injuries. You’ll know exactly where to go and exactly how long you’ll need to get there. And best of all, you can enjoy your Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt while you walk the extra mile.

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Comments
  1. I live in an area with one hospital, so we are spared the emergency room wait time billboards. I have not checked in the market, but I hope to heck we are being spared Pumpkin Spice pringles. (which is one of those ideas that you can’t help but wonder why someone, anyone in R and D, marketing, or something didn’t put up a hand and say “Huh….do we really think this is a good idea that we want to pursue?”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. writerinsoul says:

    You okay?

    I did not know of these waiting time signs. And how can they really know?

    I saw a jar of pumpkin pasta sauce on the discount rack at the grocery store. I like pumpkin and I love pasta but together…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I saw one of these billboards and had the same impression. Who in the heck that needs emergency care has the luxury of checking on wait times? And, there must be someone keeping those clocks updated… wouldn’t their time be better spent taking care of the patients? Sheesh. Don’t get me started on pumpkin spice everything…

    Liked by 2 people

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