Nectar of the Gods – Sausage Muffin Edition

Posted: February 22, 2017 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , ,

There are very few things that get me more excited in the morning than a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Every High School journalism teacher has told me that you have to ‘hook’ the reader into being interested in your story. You have to drag them in, make them want to read more, and make THEM a part of YOUR story.

You can see by my ‘hook’ above that I failed miserably at journalism.

While Frosted Mini-Wheats certainly are an exciting topic to discuss – today I’m NOT going to talk about them. Today I’m going to talk about a breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, I’m not picky) food item that I’ve discovered that has literally changed my life.

To get a good visual on this, think of a cloudy day. However, there is a small slit in the clouds where you can kind of see light peeking through. You stare at the slit as it slowly widens, letting more and more of the Heavenly brightness stream through into your consciousness as you marvel at the magnificence of the Earth, the Universe and all that is around you. You start hearing a faint music as the light becomes more developed, and slowly can make out the strains of a harp playing the most beautiful song you have ever heard. The slit continues to widen and a single relaxing beam of light lowers slowly out of the abyss and shines on a solitary object sitting on a plate about 50 yards away from you. You slowly, cautiously walk over to the plate to see what the nectar of the Gods has given you. You’re amazed when you see this bathed in the warm glow of the eternal light:


You reach down to pick up the object and your brain is suddenly infused with the wispy voice of Sarah McLachlan….

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You take a bite of this warm morsel of heavenly goodness and are transported to a place where you have seemingly never been before – yet a place so familiar that you feel like you’ve been living there forever, and you KNOW that you want to visit again every single day for the rest of your life.

So what is this?

Welcome to the New World. We have a Sausage Breakfast Muffin (I like to call it the ‘Wonduhmuffin’) from the Red Truck Bakery in Marshall, VA. Is it sweet? Yes. It is spicy? Yes. It is everything and then some. I have fallen in love with these creations of the Overseers and invite you to try them (if you’re local to Marshall, Virginia). Here’s a glimpse inside of the bakery:


As you can tell, it’s literally vomiting ‘cute’ all over your computer screens right now. They have lots of other wonderful things as well and have been featured on the NBC Today show for some of them. However, there is NOTHING that can compare to this succulent delicacy that is pictured above.

For health-conscious folk out there – I’m sure that it has approximately one million calories, but really, who cares. If God has given you a treat like this, then you don’t care about those extra 998,000 calories over your daily limit. This muffin, when warmed, delivers the sweetness of a muffin, with the chunkiness and heartiness of the brilliant sausage, combined with the moistness of a well-crafted bakery item, with some well-meaning and perfectly balanced jalapenos for some extra kick.

In a word, incredible. However, I’m afraid that I must end this glorious exercise in culinary wanderlust by noting the following.

I have not a single one of these wonduhmuffins to eat this morning. Off to my Frosted Mini-Wheats.





  1. I love your turn of phrase – – “vomiting ‘cute’ all over your computer screens right now”. I think this could apply to several things that make their way across my computer screen every day. And, I really always admire those who invoke God as a justification for any crazy behavior. If God didn’t want you to eat a 1 million calorie muffin, well, then God would not have made it. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. writerinsoul says:

    It occurs to me today Tim, that you write about food the way some people write about sex. This post was so convincing even *I* might have one of these breakfast muffin thingees. Upon which I’d keel over dead as my arteries exploded from the unfamiliar shock.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s