The other day I went to the doctor – which is undoubtedly a shock to the world – because I had a really bad flu/cold thing happening and I needed to make sure I didn’t spread my ‘goodness’ to others around me. In the midst of this escapade, the doctor and 13 of her assistants took my blood pressure. Needless to say, it was higher than a kite being flown off the top of Mt. Everest. That’s high. So after listening to the warnings from them, then going to the grocery store a couple of days later and taking the pressure again only to see it just as high – I decided to make a change in my life.
That’s right – as of right now I’m going to try to eat better, healthier and less. That should cover all the necessary categories of ‘health’ and should get me where I need to be for the rest of my life. Does that mean no hamburgers or sweet tea? Not necessarily, just a lot less and a lot smaller.
Which leads me to my love for all things Irish and a terrible mistake that I just made. After making the above pronouncement of health and happiness, we went out to an Irish restaurant for one last good craic (look it up). I don’t know when I became such a fan of Irish things, whether it be music, food, drink, whatever – if it’s Irish I love it. Don’t get me wrong – I hate St. Patrick’s Day, just like I hate Cinco de Mayo and any other “Only-Celebrating-Because-I-Can-Drink-Day”. While some of my ancestors did come from Ireland, I’m pretty much German through and through. I have no explanation for the love and no apologies.
So because of my Irish addiction I saw this item on the menu and knew that I had to give it a shot.
I knew what ‘bangers’ were, having made them several times, and I even went to the length of asking my wife to search the world-wide web for what a ‘rasher’ was. But all the rest of the items? I figured they were safe and I would partake of them and enjoy them as much as Domhnall Caomhánach could have back in his day. I mean – Pudding? Potatoes? Cake? Eggs? Beans? Bread? I don’t really WANT to type 6 ‘BOOMs’ here, but if I must, I must.
Plate comes back a few minutes later basically with a leprechaun dancing on the bread, and I started to throw back some bangin’ rashers. They were delicious as was everything else. But then I noticed that there wasn’t any pudding. I didn’t even have a spoon to eat it the nothing with. Now of course, with my wife’s family coming from West Virginia I should have questioned the ‘pudding’ category of Irish food, but I was so smitten with the rest of the stuff I didn’t even glance at the words on the menu twice. However, there was no definitely no pudding on my plate – that I was sure of.
The definition of “pudding” is:
- A cooked sweet dish served after the main course of a meal.
- The dessert course of a meal.
- A dessert with a soft or creamy consistency.
- A sweet or savory steamed dish made with suet and flour.
- The intestines of a pig or sheep stuffed with oatmeal, spices, and meat and boiled
- A fat or stupid person.
You can see right away the definitions start all happy and fun, and around number 4 they begin to take a turn for the worse. By number 5 they are full-on scary only to take a fanciful turn at definition number 6.
But let’s focus on number 5 – specifically my eating of ‘black and white pudding’. According to the aforementioned world-wide web that was scoured quickly after having a bite or two, black and white pudding is:
White pudding or oatmeal pudding is a meat dish popular in Ireland, Scotland, Northumberland, Nova Scotia and Newfoundland. White pudding is similar to black pudding, but does not include blood; it consists of pork meat and fat, suet, bread and oatmeal formed into a large sausage.
Listen, I’m not stupid (or more accurately based on definition #6 – I’m not pudding) and I know where hamburgers come from. But to spit out in the actual description that the difference is due to a lack of blood is a bit much even for this carnivore. It’s quite the shock when you’re expecting this:
Anyway, other than THAT the brunch was wonderful and warmed the very cockles of my heart. I’m definitely going to try and be better and healthier with what I eat so I’m sure there will be a lot of complaining over the coming months – but together we can make it through the darkest of days.
Just don’t be pudding when you order pudding from a menu.