The Latest Cereal Nirvana

Posted: April 25, 2017 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , ,

In the course of human events, we constantly turn to what is familiar and constant about our lives, forcing us to look inward while searching outward for the next step in our cosmic mission. To be perfectly honest, I haven’t particularly liked the last few blogs I’ve written and have decided to go back to my roots. That’s right, it’s time for a cereal review.

I’d like to thank Elon Musk, founder of SpaceX and Product Architect at Tesla among many other things for what he has done for the world. Mr. Musk is quoted as saying:

“If we drive down the cost of transportation in space, we can do great things.”

Because of Elon Musk’s innovation in space travel and his cost-cutting building techniques, Kellogg’s has been able to pour more money into research and development at their cereal headquarters in Battle Creek, Michigan. While you may not see any correlation between the two, I do, and since I am writing this dumb thing I can draw any conclusion I want. Fake news, if you will.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the latest brilliance from our scientist friends at Kellogg’s – Kellogg’s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes!

I have always had a weak spot for this exotic, Far Eastern spice and have been known to put cinnamon in everything from coffee (see below) to scrambled eggs (not the smartest move I’ve made). I’ve been partial to the burgundy gold as long as I can remember. So when my lovely wife brought these home I knew it was a match made in heaven.

So we all know the tremendous taste and mouth feel of the traditional Frosted Flakes. Their sugary goodness coating both the individual flake and the inside of your mouth with smooth tendrils of sweetness. It’s a horizontal food in a vertical world. A round cereal in a square cereal bowl. The joy of each flake is palpable as you put that spoon full of wonder into your gaping pie hole.

Before we get to the taste – let’s look at the packaging. On the front of the packaging, Tony himself looks like he’s ready to pounce on the delicious bowl in front of him – and the BACK of the box. Just wow.

More games and facts than you can proverbially shake the proverbial stick at. Cinna-fun facts! Add to all of this enjoyment truly inspiring quotes thrown in randomly such as “Anything’s Possible!” and “Go For It!” and this box provides a non-stop, positive experience that all can enjoy during the family breakfast.

The packaging is brilliant obviously – but most importantly how is the aroma and taste?

Poured into the bowl, the crispy flakes of corn coated in cinnamon look like they are literally grasping in the air for the milk to be poured over them. The aroma transports you to the cinnamon fields of Sri Lanka, setting you up for the taste carnival to come. The ONE negative is what I have previously stated about the entire flake genre. When you pour the milk into this bowl the liquid will without question find a niche in one of the flakes and just explode up and out of the bowl onto the table. If one of Mr. Musk’s engineers could design a no-spill, better-shaped flake, he would TRULY be visionary.

So the milk is poured over the scrumptious flakes. You put your spoon in gently so as not to disturb the quintessential essence of the cereal. Slowly the spoon rotates up to your mouth and as you have your first taste, the whole world suddenly makes sense. There are angels singing, harps playing and a slight breeze ruffles your hair. The roof of your mouth is coated with a coolness unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You hear the lilting notes of the hak gediya, Sri Lanka’s most memorable musical instrument made from a conch shell, blowing in a slow and dramatic note as the cinnamon moves down your throat.

It’s literally a taste explosion. The aroma combined with the taste are ethereal and for those 10 minutes of eating the cereal you are in a better place. The flakes stay crispy and strong, the aroma stays permeable and positive, and the taste continues unabated until the very last flake is consumed. All in all, an experience that you need to have.

By the way, at no point in the above narrative am I falsifying any information. I really feel each and every one of the above points is salient and correct. I’m not saying that this cereal will usurp the traditional king of cereals – Frosted Mini-Wheats – but I’m moving it above the Dark Chocolate Cheerios since I can’t seem to find that particular brand of cereal any longer. Frankly, even if I COULD find that little piece of heaven in the local Walmart, I may place this new cereal above them. It’s. That. Good.

I could go on and on about how good this cereal is, but instead I’ll end this blog with the way I ended my perfect breakfast. A freshly Keurig’d cup of Classic Cinnamon Roll coffee with a Mocha One-Touch Latte topping in a Skunk Ape mug. Have a wonderful cinnamon-y day!

  1. writerinsoul says:

    I share your affection for the opiate of spices, Dunham on and buy it in huge containers. I do however, wish to point out to you that your friend Tony has no teeth. His is a diet of said Frosted cereals. Go, man, go.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. writerinsoul says:

    Curses, “Cinnamon” not “Dunham on”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. the “flake genre” heheh

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Flake news. Cinnamon is like coffee – never tastes as good as it smells.

    Liked by 1 person

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