The Post Conspiracy – THIS IS SERIOUS!

Posted: August 10, 2017 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I don’t often get political in this blog – simply because I like to keep things a little lighter and airier with nooks and crannies that capture all of the sweet honey and butter drizzled over the top of its warmed English muffin-like surface. There is a conspiracy brewing, however, that rivals all other conspiracies currently occurring in the world. It has been blooming up through the corporate jungle for several years now – first attacking one established entity and now firmly planting its sights on another.

I am dubbing this ‘The Post Conspiracy’. The Washington Post, you ask? That bastion of free speech that has long dominated the media emporium of all that is righteous and holy in today’s world?

No.

I am of course talking about the Post Consumer Brand company, formerly known just as Post, formerly known as the best damn cereal making company in the world. This breakfast bonanza juggernaut has consistently over my lifetime turned out some of the best cereal known to mankind. Just 10 years ago here were my top three cereals:

  1. Post Alpha-Bits
  2. Post Honeycomb
  3. Post Raisin Bran

Since I’ve matured over these last 10 years, you would have thought my tastes would have changed as well. You would have thought wrong. However, back in 2012 Post switched up the recipe for its Alpha-Bits cereal taking them from a sweetened, crunchy, learning-enabled cereal to a cereal that had the consistency of cardboard while tasting like the inside of a pickle jar that had been left out in the sun for 13 years. I wrote a blog about this change to Alpha-Bits a few years back and asked Post directly what exactly they thought they were doing. I received an actual reply from Post:

Thank you for contacting Post Foods.

We regret you were disappointed with Post Alpha-Bits Cereal and thank you for bringing this to our attention.

We have changed the formula to make the cereal healthier for consumers and to also be in compliance with the WIC program. The cereal has been reduced in sugar from 10 to 6 grams per serving. The amount of whole grain was increased, as well as the iron and folic acid fortification. A sweet brown sugar flavor has also been added.

We value your comments and assure you that we will be sharing them with our Quality Assurance Department. We are sorry for any concern this situation has caused you

Beverly Perkins
Consumer Response Representative

So I took Alpha-Bits off my list, making Post Honeycomb and newcomer Kellogg’s Frosted Mini Wheats a solid one/two. So now what have Ms. Perkins and her team at Post done?

Changed Honeycomb. Box on the left good. Box on the right BAD.

“NOW WITH BIGGER FLAVOR”

“BIG HONEY FLAVOR”

Also, somewhat surprisingly – they REMOVED the word “Nutritious” from their tag line on the front of the box. So did they make it unhealthier? Was the WIC program responsible for this mess as well?

The important point of any change is obviously the look, mouth feel, and taste of the individual cerealoid. So how do they look? Pretty much the same:

All good there.

Mouth feel? One of the true joys of Honeycomb were those few minutes after you poured the milk where the individual cerealoids maintained their firm rigidity against the rising onslaught of milky goodness. You’d taste the milk’s coolness and yet still experience all that is holy with the crunchiness of the cereal. I’m somewhat happy to state that the mouth feel experience is pretty much the same.

Lastly…..the taste. Houston (and the rest of the United States), we have a problem. For these new ‘bigger’ and ‘bolder’ honey-saturated nuggets of Eden no longer taste like Honeycomb. Oh sure…there’s a semblance of a combed honey kernel, but it’s a different cereal now and while it doesn’t necessarily taste BAD (as in the case of Alpha-Bits noted above), it’s not Honeycomb any longer. It’s like Food Lion took Honeycomb, ran some crumbs through one of those color matchers they use for paints, and then had some backroom schmuck tried to recreate the recipe using those discovered settings.

Simple lesson to the great cereal makers?

Leave things alone. There’s no reason to change up something that has been in place for decades – all you’ll do is stop the ones that buy it (adults) from ever buying it again. Which then means that children will never try it. Which means that the cereal will die a quick death. Just like what happened with Alpha-Bits and Jaws 2 and Grown Ups 2 and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.

Don’t become the Honeycomb Massacre 2. Change it back now before it’s too late.

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Comments
  1. The new box does not look tasty at all!

    Like

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