Who Could Possibly Want to Avoid ME? Oh….Everyone.

Posted: May 18, 2018 in Tim Braun
Tags: , , , , , ,

The other day I was out shopping. It was a beautiful Virginia spring day, filled with whimsy and an overwhelming sense that nothing can stop the joy and mirth of a good, positive retail experience. I was wandering down the laundry detergent aisle, browsing for any new technology that the world has brought me to make my clothes whiter, when what to my wandering eyes did appear but a guy that I had worked with probably 15-20 years ago. I wouldn’t consider us ‘friends’ necessarily, but we probably chatted once a day for 5 years – which amounts to a lot of chatting.

He was shopping in the kid’s clothes section for what I can only assume were kid’s clothes. I’m thinking he may have had a kid that he was buying for, but I’m not one to judge. As I was standing there holding my Downy my eyes were glued on him – trying to determine if he was actually the person that I thought he was. As I was doing this, he looked up and turned his head to me, and there was a moment when our eyes locked. The recognition flashed in his eyes and all those fantastic ‘chatting’ memories came rushing back to him.

He dropped his Infant pants and I dropped my Downy and we rushed headlong at each other right there in the Walmart. We grasped each other while gasping for breath as we clung tightly in a hug to end all hugs – thinking of all the time that had passed and all the memories we could have shared that had been missed.

OK, that last paragraph didn’t happen at all. What actually happened was that he quickly averted his gaze, put the infant pants in his basket and whirled away, never to be seen again. I stood there with a high-tech bottle of Downy and a field of sight that included not one old friend. I had been avoided. Hard.

It hurt. But I understood the need. Our lives had changed and we probably couldn’t talk about the good times with the quarter-inch ganglion bolt that had been screwed up by the screw manufacturer any longer. However, it got me thinking on how many times over the last 10 years that I had been avoided and didn’t even know it.

I put an estimate of 6 people per month that see me and actively work to avoid me. That’s based on a complicated formula consisting of the following elements:

  1. Number of friends that don’t avoid me
  2. Number of total friends
  3. Number of outside excursions per month
  4. Time of day of excursions (I’ve found I’m much more likely to be avoided in the morning)
  5. Number of people I’ve insulted per month in my thoughts

After putting these numbers into my scientific formula, it actually comes out to 5.87 people per month that avoid me, and I’m just rounding up to 6 to be safe. That’s a total of 72 people per year, and over 10 years that comes to a ghastly 720 people that have actively avoided me.

When you compare that figure to the number of people that I’ve actively avoided per month (probably no more than 1 or 2) then that takes us to an astounding 720:240 ratio – an astounding 3:1 ratio that proves once again my theory that I’m much friendlier to people than people are to me. I guess it also could prove that I’m also 3 times as annoying as most people, but I choose to look at the positive.

I’m going to go actively work on my people skills.

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Comments
  1. Haha! I remember actively avoiding someone I knew and had actually liked when we worked together long ago. The reason I hid? I couldn’t for the life of me remember their name.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. writerinsoul says:

    I happily let people avoid me if that’s their druthers. Now, being ditched mid-conversation I could do without. But wait – who would avoid you?! Fools!

    Liked by 1 person

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