Posts Tagged ‘threat’

We all know that the Russians are putting their Twitter-y little fingers into every possible story (and non-story) in today’s world. We all know that the Chinese employ a plethora of elite hackers to infiltrate every imaginable nuance of our computing lives. We all know that the North Koreans aim their plucky little nuclear missiles at every West Coast Resort & Spa that they can find. However, did you know that we are slowly being infiltrated by even a greater threat to our peace, liberty and independence? This happens every day in every home in this country. Seemingly we are powerless to stop it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the single most pressing threat to the United States of America. The on-screen keyboard (that I have now dubbed as eKRAP – or the ‘electronic Keyboard Remote Assist Password’ device):

 

Anyone who has ever had to enter their password, username, or other information on the TV knows exactly what I’m talking about. In an homage to the great technological advances of the 13th Century – such as leech-sucking, blood-letting, and frog-gigging, the great electrical conglomerates have all gotten together to develop the most antiquated method of entering data on a TV that one could imagine – eKRAP. It’s a conspiracy the likes of which we have never been subjected to previously – and it’s slowly dragging down the very fabric of our democracy.

For those of you fortunate ones that don’t know what I’m talking about, let me throw a little tutoring your way. You are more than likely familiar with how to type in a username/password on the computer – or even just typing in general. To port this feature over to the television, some brainiac developed a “single click on every single letter and symbol” type of system, which when using the horrible remote controls that TV manufacturers provide turns into a 15-minute exercise in futility just trying to type in one word. Not only that, but they can’t even put all of the letters/numbers on one screen, requiring you to navigate over to the ‘shift-lock’ or ‘num-lock’ buttons, then move all the way back over to the appropriate character. If you put the wrong password? Start eKRAP all over again.

Don’t forget also that each manufacturer has full artistic license to make the button for ‘SPACE BAR’ look completely like they want it to – which is completely different than every other manufacturer. That seems like such a minor annoyance compared to the rest of the capitalism-killing eKRAP system, but an annoyance none the less.

Do I know a better way? Of course not. But I’m not paid to know a better way. I’m sure that there is some developer who put his name to this (Andrew J. eKRAP?) that is SOOOO excited about how streamlined and efficient this method is – and everyone is afraid to question him because of his tendency to throw cold Ramen Noodles around the office when he doesn’t get his way.

Am I just an old man yelling at the clouds here? I think not.