I’m certainly not saying I’m in the top 25% of all intelligent people. However, I’m also not in the bottom 25% of the population either. At least I don’t think I am. I consider myself to be squatting somewhere very firmly in the great 25%-75% percentile of intelligence – verging towards the 25%-50% side on ‘common sense’ (as my wife consistently tells me) while charging to the 50%-75% side for all things trivial and all things that truly don’t matter in the cosmic void.

However, I was faced with a dilemma the other day getting into my office building. As far as opening doors and walking through them, I would say that my intelligence percentage soars to about 99.9% – where I normally have avoided any serious delays initiating said door-entry, with the occasional trip-up due to the common push/pull mismarking.

Take a look at this picture and note the ‘Please Use Other Door’ sign on the far right with the big nebulous arrow pointing left. Where would you try to walk in to the doors? Select A, B, C or D.

If you guessed Door B – you would be incorrect. It is, in fact, Door A.

But wait – look what happens if you go through Door A. Could it be? Yes! Another set of sliding doors with yet another ‘PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR’ sign however on the completely opposite side.

Of course, on THIS set of doors D is the one that should be the one selected.

If you’re currently thinking of COURSE it is those two doors that you would go through, then bravo to you – but I think you’re fooling yourself. Throw into this mix that on the far right (out of the picture) of the second set of doors that there is a security lock that you have to swipe your key card on for BOTH doors that I didn’t realize I needed to do. So here’s my path that I took through what I am calling ‘THE GREAT AMERICAN DOOR MAZE’ (copyright restricted).

Keep in mind that the security guards were watching my every move from the inside security desk, while passing cars and other patrons walking up got to enjoy my actions from the outside. As such, add in an extra ‘trying to not embarrass myself’ step or 13 and you have one of the greatest door debacles ever known.

I’m bringing myself down to a 99.7% door entry success rate, which brings my overall intelligence level down about .01%.

I’ll keep you posted.