I had the extreme fortune the other day to visually stroll across a Help Wanted ad.  Normally I would dispossess my mind of any extreme notions of looking at said Help Wanted ad, but something in this one drew me in to it’s virtual bowels. Not because I wanted it, nor because I needed it. Neigh, I was dragged into this ad by the Physical Requirements for this position. This oh-so-helpful company seeking a person posted these as the acts that you would be performing.  Read and think.  Think long and hard:

Constant – balancing, stooping, crouching, reaching, standing, walking, pushing, pulling, lifting, fingering, grasping, feeling, talking, hearing, repetitive motionhand

Occasional – standing

Potential – climbing, crawling

Seriously – what kind of job requires these things all be accomplished on a constant basis? How do you push, pull and lift while standing and reaching? That might be the most flexible person ever. For some reason I feel that the writer of this ad just went to the ‘motion adjective’ section of their little dictionary and copy/pasted every single descriptive word possible.

What scares me even more is how can you only have ‘occasional’ standing? It seems to me that if you’re going through all of the ‘constant’ actions for 8 hours at a time, there is going to be more than ‘occasional’ standing. There may be ‘occasional’ collapsing from exhaustion, but more than likely to walk, you’ll have to stand.

hand2I knew I didn’t stand a chance for this job when one of the ‘constant’ qualifications was ‘feeling’.  I have long had a serious problem with feeling – my empathetic properties are somewhat limited (according to my family).

Anyway, let me know if you match these qualifications and are looking for a job.  I’ll forward you the application immediately.