Pixel Voltaggio

Oftentimes people will walk up to me and start telling me about a dream they had the previous night. I look at them, feign great interest, and even fire a few well-meaning questions across the bow to keep the conversation percolating. All the while, in the back of my head, while trying to hold my eyebrows together as tightly as possible to avoid seepage, I’m thinking to myself – “It’s not real….why do I care?” I’m sure no one can see through my sly and sneaky ways.

The simple fact is that dreams do NOT mean anything…they don’t mean you have a fear of failure, they don’t mean that you secretly idolize Cinderella’s pumpkin driver, they don’t mean that you are a lonely person. Believe me, with both my wife and daughter being psychology majors I’m continually being inundated with dream meanings – but the basic idea here is that no one knows what they mean and no one knows why you dream what you do. These same ‘scientists’ that manage to take ‘Thought A’ and add ‘Idea 2’ and come up with ‘Life Meaning’ are the first to trash my beloved Bigfoot Theories. Yet they have no more idea of what falling off a cliff in a dream means than I do of what a Squatch looks like.

So what prompted this rant? I had a dream the other night. Since I’ve listened to all of your dreams over the years you are obliged to listen to mine. Don’t worry – it’s so short that it won’t be a challenge. The dream was this – it consisted (from what I remember) of a single name presented to me in big bold neon letters. That name?

Incredibly inventive, eh? So let’s try to analyze THAT one wife and daughter. I know what a ‘pixel’ is – any of a number of very small picture elements that make up a picture, as on a visual display unit. Here’s a brilliant picture of a pixel:

The only Voltaggio I know of is Michael Voltaggio, the winner of the 6^th season of ‘Top Chef’. Here’s his picture. It’s made UP of pixels….a clue perhaps?

But the two words weren’t presented separately – they were presented as a name.

Once again, we turn to Google. Searching “Pixel Voltaggio” gives me not a heck of a lot.  It just swiftly and assuredly delivers me only one page of entries for the name – all having to do with Italian cameras.  For you see, voltaggio is Italian for voltage, so in Italian camera ads both the words pixel and voltaggio are presented next to each other at times. Am I on to something here in my analysis?

Now on to my breakthrough. I went to the Kabalarian Philosophy (seriously…) where their motto is ‘Since 1930 proving your name shapes your life’. I typed in a female ‘Pixel’ for a name. It just seems female for some reason. This brilliant website describes the female name ‘Pixel’ as:

Your first name of Pixel has given you a quick, active mind, which has caused you to delve into many different ideas and theories. You have a desire for association with people and, since you have no difficulty in being spontaneous and expressive with others, you have considerable ability for discussion and debate.   You enjoy unexpected opportunities for meeting people, or doing things on the spur of the moment. You are apt to be indulgent in eating rich, quick-energy foods, which you crave because your nervous system becomes depleted of vitality.

She sounds like such a wonderful person and I can’t wait to meet her. But finally, and most importantly it tells me that for my little Pixel:

Ailments of the liver and a weak back could result!!!!

This website is brilliant. It knows more about my little Pixel Voltaggio than could ever be imagined. Interestingly enough, even if I categorize Pixel as a male it gives me the same definition, but still….these Kabalarians are definitely on to something and possess so much virtual knowledge it’s downright scary. AND IT’S ON THE INTERNET FOR FREE!

So I had to see what it had to say for me. I mean, I HAD to know if my liver was heading down a long dusty road to its inevitable conclusion. A few tidbits from the Kabalarians on Tim:

Your calmness of mind enables you to analyze objectively, and to make decisions quickly, making it possible for you to do well in business or in any professional capacity.

Good lord, that’s UNCANNILY correct. But wait:

You have a strong humanitarian nature and many times you are called upon to assist others with their problems. Your desire to help sometimes is not appreciated, however, because they feel you are interfering.

So wait…they are saying my friends always ask me for help and then turn around and think I’m interfering??? Ungrateful people, eh?

And finally…the one that everyone is waiting for:

Mental tension could result through worrying too much over your problems or the problems of others, with an adverse effect on your nervous system.

Boom. This is better than any dream interpreter ever. I’ll be on the lookout for my little Pixel Voltaggio forever. If you run into her, let her know I’m out here…worrying about her and causing an adverse effect on my nervous system.