Purple Stalker Alert!

One of my favorite things activities is watching people.  Not in a leering, annoying, “Good grief you are WAY too old to be looking at me like that” kind of way (hopefully), but more in an “I can’t WAIT to see what ridiculous thing you are going to do next” kind of way.  I went to Disney a couple of years back and had the best time doing what?  Not riding Space Mountain.  Not experiencing Epcot.  No, I had the best time sitting on a bench and watching parents of all nationalities badgering their children for hours, and the children turning around and being children right back to their parents in all possible languages.   I heard perhaps the greatest quote by a parent EVER at Disney when she turned to her screaming child and loudly proclaimed, “Is this YOUR vacation, or is it EVERYONE’s vacation?”  That kid is probably scarred for life.

So on to my latest observational obsession.  As some of you may know – we have a purple house across the street from us.  We don’t have a Home Owner’s Association here (obviously) so it’s basically the Wild West as far as home décor is concerned.  With that – I give you……THE PURPLE HOUSE:

And to make your next task easier – as close of an up that I can get without looking like a complete stalker:

As you can see, it’s somewhat tastefully purple, if that’s possible.  But what makes it so wonderful of a panorama to view upon is the vast menagerie of crap in the yard.  Let’s play “Where’s Waldo” with the fuzzy pictures and see if you can find any of the items listed below.  The person that finds the most items wins a framed high-quality picture of the crap. One note – I swear to you that ALL of these things are actually in this picture.

–          Two (2) truck tires in the stupid middle of the yard (easy ones to get you started)

–          Official American Indian Totem Pole

–          Two (2) pieces of broken exercise equipment

–          Volleyball

–          Dumbbell with two weights on each end

–          Car parked willy-nilly on the grass right next to the completely empty driveway

–          Nine (9) various wind chimes.  Nine.  If you get five of them I’ll steal the remaining four and send them to you

–          Six (6) pieces of lawn maintenance equipment – in various stages of repair

–          Yippy dog (living) that goes by the name of Pepper (and is hailed with the moniker of “Pep-Pep” by said owner)

–          Stone wall fountain with gorilla face on it

–          1986 Pontiac Fiero (it’s there…..trust me)

This is just a small taste of what I get to view every single day.  I feel blessed.  I’m not sure how many people actually live there (definitely a transient population) but I know that the owners are a very kind couple.  But you never see the woman – and the man is ALWAYS outside either just sitting in the chair out front or washing the fifteen cars that appear and disappear from the yard.  I mean….ALWAYS.  He also must weed-whack enough grass to feed an Army.  If the Army actually ate weed-whacked grass.  He also watches all of the other houses like a hawk – knowing when they leave, when they come home, when they’re on vacation, everything.   Who’s the creepy one NOW?  Ok….still me maybe.

So why purple?  I actually asked him once and his reply was “My wife likes it….”  I said to him, “if you’re wife liked jumping off a bridge, would you?”  No, I didn’t.  But I wanted to.   It has also recently come to my attention that painting your house purple was an international symbol for something that you’ll have to Google to find out about – but I don’t think that is an issue here.  He’s too busy weed-whacking for anything like that.

So next time you say you’re bored – just go sit on a bench, or look out your window – and you’ll be amazed at what you can find.  Did I mention the “I <heart> DOLLS” sign by their front door?  I didn’t think so.  God Bless America.